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Quote by Carol Leifer

“You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.”

Author

Carol Leifer

Carol Leifer, born on July 27, 1956, is an American comedian known for her unique sense of humor and witty dialogue. She gained fame for her work in various comedy programs, including 'Saturday Night Live' and 'The Carol Leifer Show'. Leifer's career began in the 1980s, and she has since made a significant impact in the comedy world. more

“I was watching Maury Povich the other day. He had these people on who say that they've had near death experiences. Do you ever notice they always say the same thing? 'I remember seeing this really bright, white light.' It's like, of course, you pinhead, it's the paramedic looking in your pupils with a penlight.”

People Light Remember Courses White Seeing Pupils Near Death White Light Near Death Experience Paramedics Maury

Author:Carol Leifer

“When do we put on the lingerie? Always at the beginning of the relationship - first couple of months, strutting around the bedroom wearing a teddy. Yeah, six months later, you've stopped shaving your legs and you look like a teddy.”

Firsts Looks Months Couple Six Yeah Legs Bedroom Six Months Teddy Shaving Lingerie Strutting

Author:Carol Leifer

“Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.”

Ifs Thinking Want Said Shows Wanted Causes Baby Clock Closing Having A Baby Clock Is Ticking Gynecologists Closing Time

Author:Carol Leifer

“Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.”

Way Animal Goodness Disease Findings Jokes Scientist Cancer Experiments Treatment Killers Humane Humane Way

Author:Carol Leifer