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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever.”

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Sarah Palin has managed to use her failed vice presidential run to put herself in a position of power and influence. Joe Biden won the race and he hasn't been able to put himself in a position of power and influence.”

Use Running Able Race Influence Position Vices Presidential Vice President Palin Biden Position Of Power

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“You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.”

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“It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.”

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“Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with the spill because the Dutch have the world's best dikes. So let me get this straight. It is OK to cover lesbians in oil but you just can't let them get married.”

World Should Said Helping Asks Married Let Me Oil Spills Dutch Palin Speaking Out Oil Spill

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“There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things, but I used to always cry from loneliness.”

Used Fighting Loneliness Cry Brother My Brother Pillow Great Times Being Lonely Pillow Fights

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“Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.”

Needs Amount Chameleon

Author:Craig Ferguson

“What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!”

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“I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.”

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Author:Craig Ferguson

“Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.”

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Author:Craig Ferguson