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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“The rain is giving much needed relief to California's crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.'”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

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English biography, 120-180 words more

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“In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.”

House Social Party Security Members Benefits Bills Deny Nazi Social Security

Author:Craig Ferguson

“It is Veterans Day, when we honor everyone who served in all of the campaigns. We honor them with dignity and respect, and of course mattress sales and tire discounts.”

Courses Honor Dignity Campaigns Veteran Tire Veterans Day Discounts Mattresses Dignity And Respect

Author:Craig Ferguson

“It is a great day for the great state of Texas. The last person being tested for Ebola has come back clean. So Texas is now Ebola free. This was a big week for them. They're now free of Ebola - and Democrats.”

Persons States Bigs Lasts Week Clean Democrat Texas Tested Great Day Ebola

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Democrats in state legislatures are at their lowest level since the 1920s. President Obama has a can't-miss strategy to save the party in 2016. He's leaving.”

States President Levels Party Missing Strategy Democrat Leaving President Obama Lowest Legislature State Legislatures

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.”

Want Believe Wells Littles I Can Crazy Directors Stones Insane Communist Putin

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over!”

Heaven Election Campaigns Candidates Pretending Ads Mud Election Day Campaign Ads

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Clay Aiken ran for Congress in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. Clay Aiken is famous for coming in second in a TV popularity contest that most people got fed up with years ago. He also lost on 'American Idol.'”

People Years Lost Tvs Years Ago Congress Ran Feds Idols Popularity Contests Clay Carolina Fed Up North Carolina American Idol Popularity Contest

Author:Craig Ferguson

“For the first time in history, Congress has 100 women in it. Congratulations. Welcome to modern times, America. It's great having 100 women in Congress. Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.”

Firsts America Lines Modern First Time Congress Welcome Congratulations Bathroom Modern Times

Author:Craig Ferguson

“It's fantastic that Congress has an increasing number of women. Experts call an increasingly female presence in a previously male space 'the Bruce Jenner effect.'”

Space Numbers Effects Female Males Congress Fantastic Experts

Author:Craig Ferguson

“What dogs? These are my children, little people with fur who make my heart open a little wider.”

People Heart Children Littles Dog My Heart My Children Fur

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