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Quote by Garrison Keillor

“I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.”

Quote by Garrison Keillor

Author

Garrison Keillor

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“When you're in your 20s, your 30s, even, you have - at least, I had - vast ambitions, and you sit around mooning about these things, and you're depressed, because you haven't done them. And it takes you a long time to come to the realization that if you can't be John Updike, well, then, you can't.”

Ifs Wells Long Done Havens Ambition Long Time Realization

Author:Garrison Keillor

“I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places.”

Want Certain Felt Deals Clear New York Intensity Midwest I Love New York

Author:Garrison Keillor

“I think that if writers are tempted to do other things, they ought to go do other things. They should not write if they don't feel like it. I say this as a competitor. I am not interested in encouraging people who are in competition with me.”

People Ifs Thinking Feels Should Writing Ought Competition Not Interested Competitors Tempted

Author:Garrison Keillor

“In Afghanistan this week, outnumbered Northern Alliance rebels on horseback defeated Taliban forces armed with tanks. Experts say the victory is just like the story of David and Goliath and David's friend, the Stealth Bomber.”

Stories Force Week Victory Experts Rebel Afghanistan Defeated Tanks Alliances Taliban Bombers Stealth Horseback Goliath

Author:Tina Fey

“There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head.”

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Author:Jay Leno

“Last night the Taliban offered to release eight Westerners if the U.S. promised not to attack. The State Department declined but thanked the Taliban for the offer, saying it really felt good to laugh again.”

Ifs States Lasts Night Felt Laughing Offers Eight Release Department Last Night Taliban Westerners

Author:Tina Fey

“The U.S. continues the search for Osama bin Laden. Reports suggest that bin Laden is most likely hiding out somewhere remote and barren, where he will not encounter others. The FBI has begun searching theaters showing the movie 'Glitter.'”

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Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I'm not going to read any of these magazines. I mean, because they've just got too much to lose by printing the truth. You know that.”

Knows Mean Loses Too Much Magazines Printing

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“Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right.”

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Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader

“I believe that it should be perfectly lawful to print even things that outrage the pruderies and prejudices of the general, so long as any honest minority, however small, wants to read them. The remedy of the majority is not prohibition, but avoidance.”

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Author:H. L. Mencken