“Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.”
Quote by Peter Sagal
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“Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.”
“Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.'”
“Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.”
Source: Mrs. L.: conversations with Alice Roosevelt Longworth
