“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
Quote by Lundy Bancroft
Work
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Browse quotes and source details for this work. more
Author
Lundy Bancroft
Lundy Bancroft is a renowned author specializing in the fields of domestic violence and intimate relationship education and research. His work aims to help people understand and address domestic violence issues, support victims, and educate the public to raise awareness of the problem. more
You May Also Like
Source: Prowadź swój pług przez kości umarłych
“Learn to love someone when they least deserve it, because that is when they need your love most.”
Source: Advice My Parents Gave Me: and Other Lessons I Learned from My Mistakes
Source: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
“"...the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
“Trauma does not have to occur by abuse alone...”
Source: The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Perception and Worldview
Source: Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
“Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is at their heels.”