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Margaret Kimball

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“In the dim, thick silence, Nesta lingered by the table against the wall near her front door. Slid her hand into her pocket and pulled out the folded banknote. Enough for three months' rent. She tried and failed to muster the shame. But nothing came. Nothing at all. There was anger, occasionally. Sharp, hot anger that sliced her. But most of the time it was silence. Ringing, droning silence. She hadn't felt anything in months. Had days when she didn't really know where she was or what she'd done. They passed swiftly and yet dripped by. So did the months. She'd blinked, and winter had fallen. Blinked, and her body had turned too thin. As hollow as she felt.”

“Deep meditation means emptiness, nothingness, a state of utter silence, where not even the idea of "I" exists. One is, but with no idea of "I". It is a state of egolessness. Deva Emanuel said after a satsang that when I tolled the Tibetan bells for the second time at the end of the satsang, he suddenly came back from the deep silence, where there is no "I". There are three things that happens out of the silence and emptiness: prayer, grace and compassion. The first flower is prayer, which is not of words, but of silent gratitude. One has to be absolutely silent, but there is gratitude because it is to experience the splendor of life. Thousand and one flowers bloom within you, and suddenly the spring has come.  The silence and emptiness is overflowing with fragrance. The moment you drop the "I", the beyond descends into you. You create a silence and  a vacuum, and immediately the beyond fills it. The second flower is grace, because when you are silent, prayerful and thankful, a subtlegrace surrounds you. Grace means that the beyond has touched you. God has touchedyou. This very touch is transforming, and you are no longer ordinary. You become silent and extraordinary when you drop the ego. And by dropping the ego, you become touched by God. That is what grace is. The third flower is compassion. When you are silent and prayerful that is your inner experience. That prayerfulness will radiate from your body, your words,your actions and the way you are silent. And all your actions will come out of compassion. Passions are unconscious, compassion is conscious. You act, but your actions are totally different. Now they come out of love. When there is silence, prayer and compassion, you have come home.”