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Leila Boukarim

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“What could be said of holding her child for the first time? She felt like the sun has slammed into her. In one instant, she became skinless and new and known. Yesterday and tomorrow broke into separate pieces and shot out apart from one another. What could ever be said of a moment that happened in no language, but in every language?”

“Tyler was faster than she was and won nearly every game. Between hands he stirred the canh around on the blanket to mix them up. She taught him how to shuffle properly, and he practiced over and over. "How do you play strip poker?" he asked her once. In the cramped space he couldn't see her surprise. "How do you know about that?" "I dunno. I heard it somewhere, I guess. So what is it?" "You play for whatever the other person has," she said. "The winner gets the loser's things." "Like what?" "Oh, odds and ends. Wallets and combs. Things." "Oh." He dealt them each a fish hand. "I heard it was for clothes." She supposed he knew more than he was letting on. He was testing her. "Well, some people play for clothes, too. You play until the other per-son has nothing left." "Why would you want to do that? What would you do with their clothes?" Allison laughed. Sometimes Tyler seemed old for his years, world-wise and as cynical as a grown-up. But then at other times, like now, he just seemed NINE. "I don't know," she said. "It's just a game.”

“A child's dominant emotions can significantly contribute to his experiences. This is because emotions are tough nuts to crack for children and can cause a negative feedback loop. Especially so, with younger children and those who are underdeveloped in their cognitive functioning because they lack experience and metacognition that they can put to use when under pressure. So many children have unresolved negative emotions, with which they face their day to day activities, causing a reinforcement of the cycle.”

“Children tend to rate tasks by how much discomfort it causes them and would literally be comfortable with doing badly on such tasks no matter how simple it seems or is portrayed by others. There is a cycle called the cycle of resistance that explains this. If a task or chore causes children or even adults to struggle emotionally or physically, it always takes extra effort to beat this disdain that they consciously or unconsciously associate with it.”

“You can't discipline a child you hate. You however can punish such a child. Discipline has a positive tone to it so much that you have to love that child to the point where your respect for him shows through. Punishment on the other hand is fueled by anger and pain and that's why punishment is the easiest way for an angry parent or teacher even, to deal with a child or student. And worse, it always causes a strain on the relationship, can cause some stress in both parties and a tension that can last a lifetime.”