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Quote by Tomasz Jedrowski

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Swimming in the Dark

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Tomasz Jedrowski

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“When they laid you in the crook of my arms like a bouquet and I looked into your eyes, dark bits of evening sky, I thought, of course this is you, like a person who has never seen the sea can recognize it instantly. They pulled you from me like a cork and all the love flowed out. I adored you with the squandering passion of spring that shoots green from every pore. You dug me out like a well. You lit the deadwood of my heart. You pinned me to the earth with the points of stars. I was sure that kind of love would be enough. I thought I was your mother. How could I have known that over and over you would crack the sky like lightning, illuminating all my fears, my weaknesses, my sins. Massive the burden this flesh must learn to bear, like mules of love.”

“You have layers over layers of a memory in a place. There is the deepest layer, with the ones you love the most, or have the most memories with. Years and years and years. Maybe, you think, I'll make new memories here with new people. Because you can't give up the place entirely-it's physically impossible, or emotionally. And there you are, and both you and the place are layered, like wallpaper on top of wallpaper for centuries, and you'd have to peel everything away, you'd have to be the bare boards, no memories, nothing left. To get rid of some things, you'd have to get rid of everything. So then you are. There you are. Living on. A house with ghosts.”

“(WHEN I WAS A CHILD) I was told that I was insane, seeing doctors in hospitals far away from home. LITTLE WHITE PILLS inside small transparent containers that could fit my baby teeth like seashells, I dreamed. WHEN I WAS A CHILD my mind made up things— not castles of sand, nor careless childish dreams. NOW I AM GROWN I can’t see myself anymore, behind walls of lights I painted on as a child. (BUT NOWADAYS) I cannot think back and wonder if these things ever really happened.”