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Quote by Lotchie Burton

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Gabriel's Fire

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Lotchie Burton

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“I have another scan this week," I say lightly, hoping to reassure my loved ones that it is safe to rejoin my orbit. There is always another scan, because this is my reality. But the people I know are often busy contending with mildly painful ambition and the possibility of reward. I try to begrudge them nothing, except I'm not alongside them anymore. In the meantime, I have been hunkering down with old medical supplies and swelling resentment. I tried— haven't I tried? — to avoid fights and remember birthdays. I showed up for dance recitals and listened to weight-loss dreams and kept the granularity of my medical treatments in soft focus. A person like that would be easier to love, I reasoned. I try a small experiment and stop calling my regular rotation of friends and family, hoping that they will call me back on their own. _This is not a test. This is not a test._ The phone goes quiet, except for a handful of calls. I feel heavy with strange new grief. Is it bitter or unkind to want everyone to remember what I can't forget? Who wants to be confronted with the reality that we are all a breath away from a problem that could alter our lives completely? A friend with a very sick child said it best: I'm everyone's inspiration and and no one's friend. I am asked all the time to say that, given what I've gained in perspective, I would never go back. Who would want to know the truth? Before was better.”

PainGriefSickCancerSicknessDiagnosisChronic IllnessChronic PainDiagnosedChronically Ill
Book:No Cure for Being Human: And Other Truths I Need to Hear
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“Often, deceitful and unfaithful individuals seem to deny those they have claimed to love any form of clarity. You are left hanging, often having to fend for yourself on where the truth lies. It seems they operate under the assumption that those in their lives will eventually figure a way out, that they will somehow read other people’s minds and know where they stand.”

PainRejectionLow Self Esteem
Book:From Seeking To Radiating Love: Evolution is unavoidable in the process of overpowering doubt
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