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Diagnosed Quotes

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Diagnosed Quotes

“I have another scan this week," I say lightly, hoping to reassure my loved ones that it is safe to rejoin my orbit. There is always another scan, because this is my reality. But the people I know are often busy contending with mildly painful ambition and the possibility of reward. I try to begrudge them nothing, except I'm not alongside them anymore. In the meantime, I have been hunkering down with old medical supplies and swelling resentment. I tried— haven't I tried? — to avoid fights and remember birthdays. I showed up for dance recitals and listened to weight-loss dreams and kept the granularity of my medical treatments in soft focus. A person like that would be easier to love, I reasoned. I try a small experiment and stop calling my regular rotation of friends and family, hoping that they will call me back on their own. _This is not a test. This is not a test._ The phone goes quiet, except for a handful of calls. I feel heavy with strange new grief. Is it bitter or unkind to want everyone to remember what I can't forget? Who wants to be confronted with the reality that we are all a breath away from a problem that could alter our lives completely? A friend with a very sick child said it best: I'm everyone's inspiration and and no one's friend. I am asked all the time to say that, given what I've gained in perspective, I would never go back. Who would want to know the truth? Before was better.”

“I had been on the doctor yo-yo for many years regarding fatigue and strange illnesses, but this was sickness on steroids! It was far worse than anything I had seen before. I knew what Dementia was and I knew the end result was not pretty. I had seen my elderly grandfather die from it, but he developed it at a far older age. From being diagnosed to death only took a few years. I started to contemplate that I may not make it to fifty years of age.”

“At the age of 47, the medical profession had me on four RX-Only prescription drugs for lung and heart problems, an RX-Only prescription continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) life support machine during sleep, two brain RX-Only prescriptions, a brain supplement, and high cholesterol medication. I am still in the process of being fully diagnosed by the medical profession and this drugs list may increase.”

“When I went to the medical profession complaining of fatigue and forgetfulness, they diagnosed me with Mental Illness, Sleep Apnea and Small Airways Disease. What I actually had was far larger and included Altitude Hypersensitivity, Circadian Rhythm Disorder and Urea Cycle Disorder, and all of them cause fatigue and forgetfulness!”

“Sometimes the words come like a tsunami; tidal and windswept they blind you to your weaknesses and it is difficult to keep up with the process. The poet often questions where this 'voice' comes from. Who lifted the visor that covered this once locked Pandora's Box that gave rise to this flight of manic panic? When it feels as if there is too much going on and it is hard to put a stop to it; go with it; go with the incessant flow and ebb although it is not always posed gracefully. There will be enough time afterwards to vet everything, get through your nonsensical thoughts, every void and every streak of dissonance left behind with a fine tooth comb. Poets must always strive to dismantle frantically omens and discover fitting miracles to create an opus of thoughts and feelings. It is easy for a poet to become imperious. This will always show up in the writing. It is unavoidable. Truths must marry godheads on the page. No poet is inexhaustible. When fatigue comes as it must, it must be diagnosed. We must always strive towards the glorified.”