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Quote by Undinė Radzevičiūtė

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Frankburgas

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Undinė Radzevičiūtė

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“Kada govorimo o religiji (i hrišćanskoj religiji), nije teško prepoznati revnosne vernike. Kako ih prepoznati? Istinska revnost (dakle usrdnost, trud, živa želja) odaje se smirenošću i skromnošću, blagošću i opraštanjem, nepokolebljivom verom i nadom u Hrista Spasitelja (kada govorimo o hrišćanskoj religiji), verom koja se nikad i nikom ne nameće, razumevanje drugih ljudi, i to, razumevanjem i srcem i umom. Sve suprotno od ovih vrlina kojima Bog obdaruje Njegove revnitelje, prepoznaćemo u izrazu lica, ponašanju i delanju fanatičnog čoveka.”

“Pretnja religioznom stavu ne leži u nauci, već u pretežnim praksama svakodnevnog života. Tu je čovek prestao da traži u sebi vrhovni smisao života i od sebe je napravio instrument, koji služi ekonomskoj mašini, koju su njegove ruke napravile. Njega brine efikasnost i uspeh, umesto njegove sreće i rasta njegove duše. Naročito, orijentacija koja većinom ugrožava religiozni stav je ono, što sam nazvao „tržišnom orijentacijom” modernog čoveka.”

“That was when I realized I had no control over my actions anymore. All I knew was that though no one knew what hell felt like, my life had become a version of fire and brimstone. My restrictive anorexia was completely and inexorably interfering with my ability to live like a normal human being.”

“Soon, everyone around me had come to terms with my peculiar eating habits and started accepting me for who I was. It felt peculiar at first, but when someone said things like, “I wish I could resist eating all that,” in whatever parallel universe I existed, I felt powerful.”

“He helped me sit up on my bed and tried to force-feed me glucose dissolved in water and a biscuit he’d grabbed from my roommate’s bedside. But I spat it right out, still thinking about calories and numbers. “That’s enough, Amira. I’m literally trying to feed you water. It’s not going to hurt you!” he screamed.”

“The better question is: Do you want to recover?” I didn’t have an answer; I wasn’t sure. Recovery sounded great on paper and in the calm and casual way he said it. But why did the very thought of recovery seem like the most excruciating and difficult thing? What if I started hating myself after a few months of making conscious efforts to be a healthy person again? What if recovery meant being fat all over again? What if I wasn’t ready? “I’m not sure,” I said.”