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Quote by James Hollis

“Nietsche once observed that the primary purpose of marriage was conversation. The purpose of a committed relationship, of which marriage is but one example, is not to take care of each other, to reinforce the parent-child complexes, but to grow through and with each other. Relationship is meant to be dialectical—soulful encounters that temper and enlarge.”

Quote by James Hollis

Book:Under Saturn's Shadow: The Wounding and Healing of Men
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Under Saturn's Shadow: The Wounding and Healing of Men

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Author

James Hollis

James Hollis is a renowned author, born in 1940. His works primarily focus on psychology, philosophy, and spirituality, enjoying great popularity among readers. more

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“Totul debitat de preot, cantat de cor, ca si ritualul cu impreunarea mainilor, inelele, coroanele etc. au ca sens nu o casatorie, o uniune, deci o iubire, ci o inlantuire (inelele), legarea unei femei de un barbat, legarea unei sclave de stapan. Cu claritate reiese ca aceasta ceremonie nu are loc intre doua fiinte egale,ci intre una inferioara si superiorul sau. Cu alte cuvinte, iubirea, dragostea nu exista in casatoria crestina. Caci intre un inferior si un superior pot exista, in cel mai bun caz-din partea inferiorului-respect, admiratie, supunere, iar din partea superiorului condescendenta, ocrotire. Toate acestea la un loc (repet: in cel mai bun caz) pot forma o "afectiune" a celor doi unul pentru celalalt (afectiune de natura diferita la fiecare dintre ei), dar in nici un caz dragoste. Dragostea implica, in primul rand, egalitatea, intelegerea.”

Marriage
Book:Jurnalul unei fete greu de mulţumit
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“You mean nonmonogamy?" she said, neutrally. "No, no, no." I was now so nervous that I was almost tearful. "It would be our own thing, not that! We'd have to really talk about it, down the road. Make rules. When we know each other better." I saw us sitting on the living room floor in front of her cozy fireplace, drawing up our bylaws. Old wounds would be tenderly revealed, kinks admitted; there would be laughing and crying and pauses for self-regulation. Then, given all this information (and in the context of Harris and Sam), we would know what sort of specific, customized relationship was right for the two of us. And it could change! As we changed! I didn't say any of this, but I thought about it while she kissed me. Frankly, I was proud that I'd said anything at all and that it had gone so well— apparently, based on this kiss.”

Marriage
Book:All Fours
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“Mr. Godfrey Nickleby: a worthy gentleman, who, taking it into his head rather late in life that he must get married, and not being young enough or rich enough to aspire to the hand of a lady of fortune, had wedded an old flame out of mere attachment, who in her turn had taken him for the same reason. Thus two people who cannot afford to play cards for money, sometimes sit down to a quiet game for love.”

LoveMarriage
Book:Nicholas Nickleby
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“There are intimacies that don't involve marriage just as there are marriages that don't involve intimacy. The mind provides the only possible privacy so what is more intimate than thought? If intimacy is marriage, I'm married to anyone I've carried in my mind. If intimacy is marriage, I've felt more married to the EMT who could have left but instead pressed her palm against my heart for the length of several breaths to make sure I was still tethered to the world. That EMT married me, if you will. Will you? If you say I do, these are vows.”

MarriageThoughtsIntimacyEndings
Book:Parakeet
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“People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza. What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them. What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!) Of course not. When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator until it gets all green and moldy. It doesn't matter to me anymore. These are two very different definition of the word 'love'. It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you? Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?”

HumorReal LovePizza Love
Book:Real Love: Answers to Your Questions on Dating, Marriage and the Real Meaning of Sex
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“[...] In a rather sad and humiliating scene we see the couple celebrating Midsummer Eve in 1413. Her husband asks: 'Margery, if there came a man with a sword who would slice off my head unless I should have sex with you as I have done before, tell me the truth from your conscience — for you say you will not lie — whether you would allow my head to be sliced off or allow me to be intimate with you, like in the past?' She replies, 'Truthfully, I would rather see you be slain than that we should turn again to the impurity of sexual activity.' She goads him further, asking why he won't try to have sex with her, even though they sleep in the same bed. He says: 'He became so afraid when he touched her that he dared not do more.' A far cry from the domineering husband we might expect from a medieval marriage. Margery adds insult to injury, explaining that she still lusts after other men but is sickened by her own husband.”

MarriageMedievalUnhappy Marriage1413Medieval Marriage
Book:Femina: A New History of the Middle Ages, Through the Women Written Out of it
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