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Dead Toad Scrolls

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Kilroy J. Oldster

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“Our present conscious self and our shadow must learn how to coexist. The first step to attaining personal transcendence commences when the conscious mind and the unconscious mind square off and battle for preeminence. A person who achieves self-realization understands the interworking of both their conscious mind and the unconscious mind and integrates their unique dichotomy into their sense of a self. A person who suffers from a personality disorders or neuroses failed to confront their shadow or unsuccessfully integrated the conflicting motives of the conscious mind and the unconscious mind into a central and fully integrated persona.”

Self TransformationSelf TranscendenceMotivesPersonality Disorders
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“Failure to act in a crisis is tantamount to accepting a dreadful outcome. I must try to save myself before a rash personal act stubs me out reminiscent of a sucked dry cigarette. I lack a disciplined mind to engage in rigorous study. I am an accidental psychologist, an unreliable philosopher, an unscrupulous self-ethnographer, a crackpot cultural anthropologist, an untrustworthy historian, and a deceitful reporter whom surrounded himself with a facade of untruths, delusions, and illusions. I need to gather personal willpower and attempt my level best to tackle my greatest obstacle – a personal penchant to parley with self-destructive behavior. I seek to penetrate the barriers of constructed falsehoods and reveal the brutal truth of why my soul is so tarnished, engage in many acts of contrition, and atone for a wasteful life. My goal is to construct a living philosophy that will sustain me through all stages of life. I shall use whatever resources are available to me including an intuitive belief in free will to design a self-rescue plan. I must obliterate all vestiges of narcissistic and selfish persona by slaying the ego and dissolving a grotesque sense of self that is preoccupied with the past and fearful of the future.”

Self RealizationFree WillSelf DevelopmentNarcissisticEgotisticalSelf TransformationIdentity CrisisSelf TranscendenceEgo DeathMind Powers
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“Awareness of our conscious thinking patterns and unconscious behavior predilections enables us to examine the defining question of how we began to take certain values for granted. Once we accept that we are a product of our culture, we can begin the act of deliberately redefining our sense of self. By engaging in an intensive cultural investigation and undertaking a studious period of reflective self-examination, and by exercising disciplined behavior, we can alter our character. Using American society as a looking glass allows me to see how a dominating culture sculpted my self-image. This societal mirror reflects me in a either a positive or a perverted manner. Looking both inward and outward, therefore, is an essential step in seeing oneself clearly. An interior and exterior analysis is the critical initiating act in taking charge of the ultimate configuration of our conscious self.”

TransformationSelf RealizationTranscendenceSelf TransformationSelf TranscendenceSelf ExaminationCulture IdentitySelf ExplorationSociety Influence
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“You think she survived because she was lucky? No. She survived because something in her refused to die. I have watched kingdoms burn and men beg for mercy, but the woman who has been betrayed, abandoned, underestimated, and still stands? She is more terrifying than any god. Persephone did not rise because the world was kind to her. She rose because it wasn’t — and she decided it would not swallow her whole. If you are still breathing after what tried to break you, understand this: you are not fragile. You are restrained power. And restrained power is far more dangerous than chaos.”

LoveMotivationalRomanceDesireDark RomanceHadesPersephoneFeminine Power
Author:K.B Johnson
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“I hold no interest in the tapestry of politics, culture, or religion. I lack the mental aptitude and intellectual capacity to debate nuances of esoteric philosophy and abstract ethical principles. I cannot repose faith in a national ethos that promotes avariciousness, mediocrity, and hedonism. I find no reassurance and emotional wellbeing in adopting religious piety, which requires acceptance and belief of intangible and empirically unprovable concepts and things. It is foolish to squander an earthly life in pursuit of a perfect afterlife, of which there is no evidence. Nor can I endorse suicide because it accomplishes nothing other than terminating a person’s opportunity to meld meaning out of the starkness of existence. I exert no power over external things and gain nothing from resisting fate. I need to accept fate calmly and dispassionately, make productive use of my modest allotment of time, and not waste the spark of existence. I can discover the object of my earnest pursuit only within the flickering self. I am responsible for my actions, which I can examine and control through rigorous exertion of self-discipline.”

Self AwarenessSelf RealizationPurpose Of LifeWriters QuotesJourney Of LifeAuthentic SelfSelf TransformationVision QuotesSelf TranscendenceMeaningfulness
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“Philosopher Bertrand Russell said, ‘Language sometimes conceals the complexity of a belief.’ Language also sometimes reveals basic truths. Through the time consuming task of writing one word after another and linking language to thought, I shall tell my sordid tale with the goal of plotting an acceptable thematic purposefulness to a life already half-lived. I will attempt to ferret out the hidden self and through an act of will alter my life course. The following chapters relate the culture that birthed me, the family that raised me, the educational system that tested me, the social affairs that shaped me, the friends and lovers that scorned me, the legal profession that rebuked me, and my personal quest to rewrite the construction of a loathsome self-image. How this scaled adventure will end, no one knows, but if any of us knew how our lives would actually unfold, how many of us would say ‘yes’ to all that is. Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world.’ My goal is to employ human free will to attempt to recast my fundamental character and develop the courage and mental equanimity to accept whatever will be – accept a largely deterministic world – while still making the most of my imitable human gifts to imbue this life sojourn with purposeful and evocative experiences of a compassionate and charitable human being.”

LanguageMemoirMemoir WritingSelf TransformationWriters On ThinkingPersonal EssaysEssayistSelf TranscendenceWriters On Writing LifeWord Power
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“In the late afternoon of their life, a precautious person outgrows the fulsome myths that fueled their impressionable youth. Perceived truths of a fawning youth no longer appear self-evident. A previously established cultural script and its lavish adornments that guided me to the crucial midpoint were no longer relevant. Impetuous acts of spontaneity that demarked my boisterous and animated youth were now irresponsible affections. When I aged and encountered the red claws of a carnivorous existence, I grew weary of the bone meal journey into the unknown. I was suspicious of other people, mistrustful of my personal abilities, and contemptuous of my nascent life plan. New truths must be uncovered. I must fuse an innovative philosophy out of the modest pinpoints of experience garnered in traversing the rocky terrain of living a thespian’s stage-managed existence. Reaching a critical juncture in life, I need to make sense of the past, come to terms with the present, take a cold-eyed assessment of my future prospects, and decide what to do.”

MemoirPhilosophy Of LifeSelf DevelopmentChange Your LifeMemoir WritingLife ChoicesSelf TransformationSelf TranscendenceSelf EvaluationSelf Evolution
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“I commenced writing this scroll in a frenzied attempt to find myself. I wished to ascertain how the concertina wire that cinches the plasma pool of my biological capsule together stitches a person into the vacillating web of eternity. Instead of my wild ravings spooling out answers, the act of writing nonstop in the midst of my darkest hours triggered a torrent of questions to examine. Each adamant question posed led to a baffling string of insistent conundrums. I orchestrated an urgent caucus, and tenaciously conducted a fact-finding mission. I held a self-questioning klatch attempting to pierce a spool of secular inquiries, a series of pious and profane questions that compressed upon my confused mind. The resultant positive displacement and negative displacement of febrile energy generated from this disorientating and mind-numbing process of rigorous self-scrutiny spun me akin to a crazed top. Unsure of my destiny, I lunged into the unknown, diving headfirst into the indecipherable parts of my reeling existence. I asked questions and sought answers, examined a sundry of personal experiences, and listened to my inner vibrations. How does a person square their mystical self to the undulating camber of life? How does anyone face the deflating specter of the impending death of his or her beloved? I seek to develop a desirable quotient of self-confidence and gain the needed degree of brio to tackle life. I wish to learn how to savor every moment, come to terms with impairing personal fears, blighting uncertainty, and caustic self-doubt. I aspire to overcome the disfiguring emotional liabilities harvested during my troubled past, develop healthful new habits, and brace myself against the irreducible fact of human mortality.”

AutobiographySelf TransformationPersonal EssaysSelf TranscendenceSelf Questioning
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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