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Quote by Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

“Judgment is literal, even in and with their own health. When someone wants and needs calm or regulation, there is an atmosphere of constraint created. When someone’s regulation is in part a self-created world, the other is now in uncertain territory. In an effort to diffuse the tensions, the AVP will often project an attitude of not caring and one of being overwhelmed.”

Quote by Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

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Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

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“Empathy is difficult for the AVP. They do care about others and can be very aware of emotional content. AVPs are capable of expressing empathetic thought, though it is usually short lived. Their thoughts are often racing and difficult to find. They vacillate between what is fair or not. You might see an AVP give more empathy to a distant relative at an event than the significant other. They do care, but the feeling of that care response can be problematic. They are still hiding, balancing, and are fearful of rejection. Interactions rarely are confronted or dealt with.”

RejectionAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“AVPs will hold the spouse accountable for “wrong” action. This is true even if the spouse felt he or she was supporting the AVP. The AVP is hypersensitive. They do have a continued suspiciousness of others and what they might do to them. This, in turn, maintains a fairly consistent internal defensive posture.”

SuspiciousHypersensitivityAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality DisorderHypersensitive
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“If you’re avoidant, you need to be able to maintain some distance, either emotional or physical, from your partner and preserve a large degree of separateness. In order to be happy in a relationship, we need to find a way to communicate our attachment needs clearly.”

DistanceCommunicateSeparateAvoidantAttach
Book:Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
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“In the beginning of their relationships, both short term and long term, the AVP seems to welcome assistance. As time progresses, they can see these same helpers as incompetent. This could be from a spouse helper to a therapist. When this occurs, passive–aggressive displays can be apparent, subsequent to distancing from a given relationship.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality DisorderPassive Aggressive Behavior
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“Hence, the significant other has little to no input on this process. It’s already been done. The dramas/traumas have already been enacted. Their own memories carry negative emotions, even if they are not able to remember the details of the memory.”

NegativityAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“We know that while AVP may be the least problematic of the personality disorders, it can have serious consequences in the lives of close family members, and particularly the significant other. Treatment can be initiated by an AVP, but often the focus is on other “symptoms,” such as failed relationships, anxiety, or depression. More often, treatment is initiated by the AVP’s significant other.”

TherapyAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“The spouse sees all the wonderful aspects embodied in these relationships, and the missing pieces in their own relationship with the AVP. This is how the spouse would prefer to be treated. This causes anxiety, confusion, frustration, and loss for the spouse. Coworkers, colleagues, employees experience different levels of the AVP. The AVP’s perfectionism is usually full blown on the job, where the AVPs are at their best”

AnxietyConfusionFrustrationAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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