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Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

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Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

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“Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) also has dissociative symptoms as an essential feature. PTSD has been classically seen as a biphasic disorder, with persons alternately experiencing phases of intrusion and numbing... [T]he intrusive phase is associated with recurrent and distressing recollections in thoughts or dreams and reliving the events in flashbacks. The avoidant/numbing phase is associated with efforts to avoid thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma, emotional constriction, and social withdrawal. This biphasic pattern is the result of dissociation; traumatic events are distanced and dissociated from usual conscious awareness in the numbing phase, only to return in the intrusive phase.”

PtsdNumbDissociationTraumatizedPosttraumatic Stress DisorderAvoidantTraumatic StressFlashbacksDissociatedIntrusive Thoughts
Book:Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders
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“The unconscious operation of the attachment system via internal working models probably plays an important part in the choice of marital partner and relationship patterns in marriage. Holmes (1993) has described a pattern of 'phobic-counterphobic' marriage in which an ambivalently attached person will be attracted to an avoidant 'counter-phobic' spouse in a system of mutual defence against separation anxiety.”

MarriagePsychologyAmbivalentAvoidantAttachment TheorySeparation AnxietyRelatonshipsPhobic Counterphobic
Book:John Bowlby and Attachment Theory
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“The non-AVP spouse feels the relationship is one sided in favor of the AVP. AVPs try to avoid personal issues and past issues. Let’s just start today is a common theme. After an argument, Doug doesn’t see any patterns in his behavior. June sees the importance of going forward but is frustrated with 15 years of the same situation. The spouse has brought up dissatisfaction to the AVP. They feel uncertain of themselves. They recognize they need more time and space to be or to relate to others. They are aware they don’t have goals. They do not know how to say no gently, yet firmly, so they are ashamed of themselves. They find that demands or suggestions stop them at some level. They have a sense that they need others so they can keep going. AVPs in relationships often feel they can’t give to their spouse. They find their spouse’s marital style intense and overstated. Often, this is how they view the spouse’s parental style as well. They want stress to be gone.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“Most spouses of AVPs appear to have an early history of independence in their upbringing. They are often analytical in their approach and overall thinking. Almost all of the spouses state they like to be close. They appear to be planners and goal directed. Overall, they have strong expectations of themselves and others they are close to. They are now unhappy and see their spouse as unhappy. They have an underlying sense of wanting to fix the issues of the spouse.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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