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Quote by James A. Chu

“Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) also has dissociative symptoms as an essential feature. PTSD has been classically seen as a biphasic disorder, with persons alternately experiencing phases of intrusion and numbing... [T]he intrusive phase is associated with recurrent and distressing recollections in thoughts or dreams and reliving the events in flashbacks. The avoidant/numbing phase is associated with efforts to avoid thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma, emotional constriction, and social withdrawal. This biphasic pattern is the result of dissociation; traumatic events are distanced and dissociated from usual conscious awareness in the numbing phase, only to return in the intrusive phase.”

Quote by James A. Chu

Book:Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders
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Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders

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James A. Chu

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“The unconscious operation of the attachment system via internal working models probably plays an important part in the choice of marital partner and relationship patterns in marriage. Holmes (1993) has described a pattern of 'phobic-counterphobic' marriage in which an ambivalently attached person will be attracted to an avoidant 'counter-phobic' spouse in a system of mutual defence against separation anxiety.”

MarriagePsychologyAmbivalentAvoidantAttachment TheorySeparation AnxietyRelatonshipsPhobic Counterphobic
Book:John Bowlby and Attachment Theory
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“The non-AVP spouse feels the relationship is one sided in favor of the AVP. AVPs try to avoid personal issues and past issues. Let’s just start today is a common theme. After an argument, Doug doesn’t see any patterns in his behavior. June sees the importance of going forward but is frustrated with 15 years of the same situation. The spouse has brought up dissatisfaction to the AVP. They feel uncertain of themselves. They recognize they need more time and space to be or to relate to others. They are aware they don’t have goals. They do not know how to say no gently, yet firmly, so they are ashamed of themselves. They find that demands or suggestions stop them at some level. They have a sense that they need others so they can keep going. AVPs in relationships often feel they can’t give to their spouse. They find their spouse’s marital style intense and overstated. Often, this is how they view the spouse’s parental style as well. They want stress to be gone.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“Most spouses of AVPs appear to have an early history of independence in their upbringing. They are often analytical in their approach and overall thinking. Almost all of the spouses state they like to be close. They appear to be planners and goal directed. Overall, they have strong expectations of themselves and others they are close to. They are now unhappy and see their spouse as unhappy. They have an underlying sense of wanting to fix the issues of the spouse.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“Others living with avoidant persons will often say the worst thing is that they can’t give to them. This, too, is regulated comfort, love, support; an adult patient stated his worst experience with his avoidant ill mother was not being allowed to comfort her. Turning off the I care for you or quickly withdrawing for no apparent reason is very confusing. They may show great care when others need it, which is often what the AVPs want themselves. Phrases such as I can’t, You do it, That’s past, I don’t have time are used frequently in relationships. When a spouse “quits,” there is a sense from the AVP of I get to quit. AVPs no longer need to be responsible. Ah, but wait—there is no one to take care of … or … take care of me.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“For AVPs, if they find that they are upset and see a caring spouse become upset with them, it is a release. However, since these are repeated patterns and no stable patterns are maintained, the spouse often becomes more anxious and does hold this anxiety. The AVP is able to see this, at some level. The increased agitation has the effect of keeping the spouse preoccupied and more distant. Nothing is seemingly moving forward. The spouse, like the AVP, can become stuck. June and Doug can both be anxious, distant, or preoccupied. Avoidants have found that they can transfer some of their avoidant and angry responses to other family members. In doing this, their intention is to transfer some of their anxieties to another person to act out or hold for them. This can occur due to living together or can be part of the AVP’s messages that a family member hears and then displays. This effect of transferred anxieties can be experienced by the children, the spouse, and maybe even the family pets. The AVP’s inability to positively confront situations produces many scenarios. Unfortunately, this can often produce in others a negative image of the person acting on behalf of the AVP. This, at some level, registers for the AVP, and shame and guilt become the results of this active/passive position.”

AvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality DisorderAnxious Attachment
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“AVPs are usually willing to show or tell others about their external or physical pain. In so doing, they avoid sharing the internal pain they feel. They can overdwell on their anatomical issues. This ambivalent thinking can be self-defeating. And AVPs fear finality. Some patients have not had a recommended surgery, due to the finality of having the problem fixed. The avoidant person’s gauging of their own body is flawed. Some avoidants are quick to seek treatment for their bodily concerns. The tensions they absorb have produced some very real problems. On the other hand, some avoidant persons tend to “ignore” these concerns until a significant health event occurs. As a group, they do need rest, less stressful environments, and dietary consistency, but they are not good at these following these restrictions.”

DietAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality DisorderDigestive System
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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