“My lord, lawyers are a dangerous species of animals till ha'e any dependence upon--they are always starting punctilios and deeficulties among friends. Why, my dear lord, it is their interest that aw mankind should be at variance; for disagreement is the vary manure wi' which they enrich and fatten the land of leetigation; and as they find that constantly produces the best crop, depend upon it they will always be sure till lay it on ass thick ass they can.” ShouldInterestAnimalLordLandMankindDangerousProduceDependsLaysSpeciesStartingDearLawyerAssThickDependenceCropsVaryDisagreementManureVarianceDear Lord Author:Charles Macklin
“[M]any females would, even assuming complete economic equality between the sexes, prefer residing with males or peddling their asses on the street, thereby having most of their time for themselves, to spending many hours of their days doing boring, stultifying, non-creative work for somebody else, functioning as less than animals, as machines, or, at best - if able to get a "good" job - co-managing the shitpile. What will liberate women, therefore, from male control is the total elimination of the money-work system, not the attainment of economic equality with men within it.” IfsMenAbleJobsSexHoursAnimalCreativeEconomicStreetsFemaleMachinesAssumingMalesBoringSpendingAssGood JobAttainmentEliminationCreative WorkEconomic EqualityPeddling Author:Valerie Solanas
“Critics must excuse me if I compare them to certain animals called asses, who, by gnawing vines, originally taught the great advantage of pruning them.” IfsCertainAnimalTaughtAdvantageCriticsExcuseAssCompareVinesExcuse MePruning Book:Essays on Men and Manners Source: Essays on Men and Manners
“In certain countries, people seem to be think that three asses together make one intelligent person. However, that is completely wrong. Several asses in concreto make the ass in abstracto and that is a most terrifying animal.” PeopleThinkingPersonsCountrySeemsTogetherCertainThreeAnimalIntelligentStupidityAssQuantityIntelligent Person Author:Franz Grillparzer
“If I were an animal, I'd probably be a bald eagle, since I'm already bald and I love to fish. But I'd probably be a shaky-ass eagle because I'm afraid of flying.” IfsAnimalFishesFlyingAssEaglesBald Eagle Author:Steve Harvey
“I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.” AnimalPartyViolenceAssHeyKicksDonkeyFlamboyant Author:Demetri Martin
“The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year.” IfsMenYearsMeanMadeHandsEarthTogetherThreeAnimalEnvironmentFourCircumstancesCapableFunctionAddAverageSillyAssPerceiveSuperstitionsObservingAverage ManSecond Hand Book:In defense of Harriet Shelley Source: In defense of Harriet Shelley
“I know that most domesticated animals aren't indigenous to this country. So guess what, cat? You can beat it. Go back to Catalina Island or Catalonia, Spain, or Katmandu, or wherever the hell your hairy ass is from! 'Cause this is America and around here - Katmandon't.” KnowsCountryAmericaCausesAnimalHellBeatsCatAssIslandsSpainIndigenousCataloniaDomesticated Animals Author:Arj Barker