Best Branson Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“I heard Silver Dollar City starts every morning by playing The National Anthem. That's almost as patriotic as them importing third-world labor so they can keep wages low and force local employees into poverty. Now THAT is American FREEDOM.”

Humor Poverty Patriotic Job Branson Branson Missouri Low Wages Silver Dollar City

Book:Me and memes and memories

Source: Me and memes and memories

“My ballsack contains Future People. I’m holding a Meet ‘N’ Greet this Saturday in Branson.”

People Humor Future Absurd Meeting Meet Sperm Branson Semen

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“Glenda told me that somebody just bought Andy Williams’ theater in Branson. Don’t look at me. This morning, I financed my coffee at the café over four monthly payments of 99 cents.”

Humor Money Theater Coffee Finance Branson Branson Missouri Andy Williams

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“There are two types of things to do in Branson: Things that cost money and things that aren’t fun. Some things are both things.”

Humor Money Entertainment Vacation Tourism Tourist Branson Branson Missouri

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Boxcar Willie was the Bruce Willis of Branson. He made others Die Hard, and usually because they were listening to his music.”

Humor Music Absurd Branson Branson Missouri Die Hard

Book:Me and memes and memories

Source: Me and memes and memories

“The Anthems of Rock are The Kings and Queens of Queen. No really, they out-Queened Queen, and they put Freddie Mercury in a thermometer and got this crowd HOT.”

Music Queen Concert Branson Branson Missouri Freddie Mercury Anthems Of Rock

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Music allows us to travel back in time through our ear canals. The top song of 1991, Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You", takes me back to Branson in its glory year, and that's like a FREE vacation.”

Humor Music Glory Vacation Time Travel Branson Branson Missouri Bryan Adams

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“Tourists are as fleeting as holographic butterflies. The only thing permanent in this world is my Leftover Meatloaf. Branson needs to quickly learn this before I'm completely SOLD OUT.”

Humor Absurd Butterfly Sales Tourism Tourist Branson Hologram Branson Missouri

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I just called a How's My Driving phone number. Why did someone in Branson, Missouri pick up and try to sell me a timeshare condo?”

Humor Sales Salesman Sale Branson Branson Missouri Condo Timeshare

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Branson is the Maine of Missouri. We don't have Murder, She Wrote, but we do have at least one killer writer.”

Humor Writer Maine Missouri Branson Branson Missouri Murder She Wrote

Book:Me and memes and memories

Source: Me and memes and memories

“Branson, Missouri is the leftover meatloaf of the tourism industry. It doesn’t matter what year it is, it stays fresh like 1991.”

Time Tourism Leftovers Meatloaf Branson Branson Missouri 1991

Book:Me and memes and memories

Source: Me and memes and memories

“Stevie splits his time between Branson and Nashville. I think it's smart to divide time by location, rather than AM and PM, because that way you get more distance and are able to extend your life out further.”

Life Humor Time Location Nashville Branson Branson Missouri

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“If Elvis ran for Mayor of Branson, who would run against him? I mean, besides the dozens of Elvis Impersonators in the area trying to make a name for themselves by trying to make a name for Elvis.”

Humor Elvis Mayor Branson Branson Missouri Impersonator

Book:Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“As a man who dances like a bronze statue, in the style of Rodin's The Thinker, I know a thing or two about choreography. OK, maybe just a thing, and that thing is this: The dancers in The Anthems of Rock can move—and they’re a big reason the audience was so moved with each song.”

Dancing Dance Thinker Choreography Statue Branson Branson Missouri Anthems Of Rock

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I'm wearing my Midnight Black Dancing Shoes. They are shaped like vintage locomotives, and I move like the memory of Branson in 1991—which fluctuates by minutes every day, just like the scene at my duck farm.”

Dancing Dance Absurd Ducks Surreal Duck Duck Quote Duck Quotes Branson Bransom Missouri

Book:Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.