“In my next life, I'd like to come back five foot, two inches, with the best ass and tits you've ever seen.” TwoNextFiveFeetAssInchesNext Life Author:Andie MacDowell
“I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?” ThinkingYearsHardAgeSchoolRememberGuyTeacherFourFeetGayEightAssGradesPantsSchool TeachersGrades In SchoolHimmler Author:Jon Stewart
“I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.” IfsBehindsFeetBabyAssCoveredCallusesPedicures Author:Bob Saget
“Being a parent is a life sentence. You see, that's why normal people should not have children because if you raise a kid with only love and support, I guarantee that kid will be in rehab by the time he is 16. Why? Because you never introduced him to Mr. Back-of-Your-Hand. You know why I only broke into a liquor store once? 'Cause my father introduced me to Mr. Back-of-His-Hand and its wiley sidekick, Mr. Foot-in-My-Ass.” PeopleIfsKnowsShouldChildrenHandsKidsFatherParentSidesSupportFeetNormalRaisesSentencesStoresAssBrokeKicksGuaranteesLiquorOnly LoveSixteenRehabBeing A ParentGuarantees ThatLiquor Stores Author:Christopher Titus
“Being a dominatrix, sticking my foot up people's asses for money, necessitated that I divorce myself from any sort of objective perspective on what I was doing. In order to think about things as a writer you have to objectify your experience. I couldn't have been enacting that experience if I was objectifying it.” PeopleIfsThinkingHas BeensOrderFeetPerspectiveDivorceObjectivesAssObjectifying Author:Melissa Febos
“When did I turn into a needywhiny angsty idiot who needed to be swept off her feet? She snorted then started running again, forcing me into a brief sprint to catch up. We're conditioned from birth she said. I swear to god,if I ever have a daughter I'll ban all of the Disney princesses from the house. Except Mulan. She kicks ass.” IfsSaidRunningTurnsHouseFeetBirthNeededDaughterAssIdiotKicksPrincessSwearBansKick AssSprintSwear To God Author:Diana Rowland