“You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.” PeopleThinkingHardHumorFunnyFacesCan DoPowerfulImagineHaving FunImagine ThatFunny Face Author:Ellen DeGeneres
“Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell her its time to go at noon so she gets those five hours to do what she needs to do. But were both kids at heart. She is the funniest person ever and she has a great sense of humor. We connect at a spiritual level.” IfsNeedsHeartPersonsKidsFunnySpiritualHoursLevelsFiveImagineSixClockSense Of HumorNoonKid At Heart Author:Nick Cannon
“I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'” NeedsGivingI CanEndsHomeHumorFunnyWaitingImagineProvePaperGive MeInkFilesSkepticalScenariosBack HomeTransactionsDoughnutDocumentationReceiptsInk And Paper Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.” IfsHumorFunnyScienceImagineCrazyCodeDancerImagine ThatTap DanceTap DancersMorse Code Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.” IfsKnowsTwoHumorFunnyTurnsNextImaginePlayerMagicBeatsSticksSoupBassDrummerWandsBass PlayersMagic Wands Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.” HumorFunnyImagineCleanDrunkBottlesCleaningFluidVodka Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."” IfsThinkingHumorWould BeFunnyImagineHorseChaosConfusedHorsemenHeadless Author:Mitch Hedberg
“They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!"” YearsI CanHumorCareFunnyRememberImagineHappenedSeedsBlankBuns Author:Mitch Hedberg
“It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.” I CanHumorSeemsFunnyAliveImagineMissionsBritishRescueNavyCompoundsSealsHostageNavy Seal Author:Frankie Boyle
“I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.” IdeasHumorFunnyGuyHouseVoiceHoursPartyImagineCrazyThousandHundredLonelyRadioGood TimesRoofSoothingTalk RadioStackingStir Crazy Author:Adam Carolla
“I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.” HumorFunnyImagineTasteWarmHungryImagine ThatCheeseGoatsHmm Author:Kristen Schaal
“Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.” HumorFunnyImagineImagine ThatSombrerosPonchos Author:Noel Fielding