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In The Closet Quotes

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In The Closet Quotes

“Mor rubbed her face. 'You were right about me, though. You were...' Her hand shook as she lowered it. She gnawed on her lip, throat bobbing. Her eyes at last met mine- bright and fearful and anguished. Her voice broke as she said, 'I don't love Azriel.' I remained perfectly still. Listening. 'No, that's not true, either. I- I do love him. As my family. And sometimes I wonder if it can be... more, but... I do not love him. Not the way he- he feels for me.' The last words were a trembling whisper. 'Have you ever loved him? That way?' 'No.' She wrapped her arms around herself. 'No, I don't... You see...' I'd never seen her at such a loss for words. She closed her eyes, fingers digging into her skin. 'I can't love him like that.' 'Why?' 'Because I prefer females.' For a heartbeat, only silence rippled through me. 'But- you sleep with males. You slept with Helion...' And had looked terrible the next day. Tortured and not sated. Not just because of Azriel, but... because it wasn't what she wanted. 'I do find pleasure in them. In both.' Her hands were shaking so fiercely that she gripped herself even tighter. 'But I've known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I'm... attracted to them more over males. That I connect with them, care for them more on that soul-deep level But at the Hewn City... All they care about is breeding their bloodlines, making alliances through marriage. Someone like me... If I were to marry where my heart desired, there would be no offspring. My father's bloodline would have ended with me. I knew it- knew that I could never tell them. Ever. People like me... we're reviled by them. Considered selfish, for not being able to pass on the bloodline. So I never breathed a word of it. And then... then my father betrothed me to Eris, and... And it wasn't just the prospect of marriage to him that scared me. No, I knew I could survive his brutality, his cruelty and coldness. I was- I am stronger than him. It was... It was the idea of being bred like a prize mare, of being forced to give up that one part of me...' Her mouth wobbled, and I reached for her hand, prying it off her arm. I squeezed gently as tears began sliding down her flushed face. 'I slept with Cassian because I knew it would mean little to him, too. Because I knew doing it would buy me a shot at freedom. If I had told my parents that I preferred females... You've met my father. He and Beron would have tied me to that marriage bed for Eris. Literally. But sullied... I knew my shot at freedom lay there. And I saw how Azriel looked at me... knew how he felt. And if I'd chosen him...' She shook her head. 'It wouldn't have been fair to him. So I slept with Cassian, and Azriel though I deemed him unsuitable, and then everything happened and...' Her fingers tightened on mine. 'After Azriel found me with that note nailed to my womb... I tried to explain. But he started to confess what he felt, and I panicked, and... and to get him to stop, to keep him from saying he loved me, I just turned and left, and... and I couldn't face explaining it after that. To Az, to the others.' She loosed a shuddering breath. 'I sleep with males in part because I enjoy it, but... also to keep people from looking too closely.”

Sarah J MaasFeyreFeyre ArcheronCassianA Court Of Wings And RuinBisexualAzrielMorThe MorriganIn The Closet
Book:A Court of Wings and Ruin
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“And the male lovers I took... it became a way to keep Azriel from wondering why- why I wouldn't notice him. Make that move. You see- you see how marvellous he is. How special. But if I slept with him, even once, just to try it, to make sure... I think after all this time, he'd think it was a culmination- a happy ending. And... I think it might shatter him if I revealed afterward that... I'm not sure I can give my entire heart to him that way. And... and I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself... I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too.' A shrug. 'If I can even work up the courage to tell the world first. My gift is truth- and yet I have been living a lie my entire existence.”

Sarah J MaasUnrequited LoveA Court Of Wings And RuinBisexualAzrielMorNot SettlingThe MorriganIn The ClosetDeserving Of Love
Book:A Court of Wings and Ruin
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“Olivia picks invisible dirt from her nails. “A lack of judgment on my part, Moore. I assure you.” Just then, an evil glint arises in her green eyes as she looks up. “You still in the closet with your parents? I can fix that. Just one phone call and the gay door’s wide open.” His dark face goes red. “You’re – you’re – you’re a crusty slug!”

FriendshipPrideGayBullyingTeenagersMean GirlsIn The ClosetTeen Problems
Book:The Return of Light
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“(Charles) Laughton was one of the most pugnaciously morose men I had ever met. His huge talent seemed to endorse his implacable resentment. His Caliban self-portraiture must have been further agnozied by being incarcerated, like so many of his unhappy generation, in that closet which dared not speak its name. Even his large collection of Klees and Kokoshchkas was displayed as trophies of martyrdom rather than joyful plunder.”

ActorsGayHomosexualityAutobiographyMorose1950sIn The ClosetCharles Laughton
Book:Looking Back: Never Explain, Never Apologise
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