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Letters To Milena Quotes

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Letters To Milena Quotes

“And all the time it's raining outside and doesn't look as though it will ever stop. Doesn't worry me at all, I'm under cover and am only embarrassed to eat my opulent Gabelfrühstük in front of the house painter who at the moment is standing on the scaffolding before my windows and who, furious about the rain which has temporarily stopped and about the amount of butter I'm putting on my bread, is splashing the windows unnecessarily (which is probably also only my imagination, since he is no doubt 100 times less preoccupied with me than I with him). No, now he is really working in pouring rain and thunder.”

“Do you know, by the way, that you were given to me as a present for my Confirmation (there's something like a Jewish Confirmation)? I was born in '83, so I was 13 when you were born. The 13th birthday is a special occasion. Up near the altar in the temple I had to recite a piece learned by heart with great difficulty, then at home I had to make a brief speech (also learned by heart). I also received many presents. But I imagine that I was not entirely satisfied, one particular present I missed, I demanded it from heaven; it hesitated until 10 August.”

“I'm afraid I'm not very well prepared for your birthday, have slept even worse than usual, head hot, eyes burned out, torturing temples, coughing as well. I'm afraid I couldn't recite a lengthy congratulation without coughing. Fortunately no congratulation is required, just thanks that you exist in this world, where at first sight, I wouldn't have suspected (you see, I don' have much knowledge of the world, either - except that, in contrast to you, I admit it) that you could be found. And I thank you for it (is this gratitude?) with a kiss precisely like the one on the railway station, although you didn't like it (today I'm rather obstinate).”

“What you wrote about the people, Milena - 'nemáte síly milovat' - 'who haven't got the strength to love' - was correct, even though while writing it down you didn't consider it correct. Perhaps their talent for love consists only in the ability to be loved. And even in this exists a qualifying distinction for these people. If one of them says to his beloved: 'I believe that you love me', then this is something completely different and much less than when he says: 'I'm loved by you'. These, of course, are not lovers but grammarians.”

“The most beautiful of your letters (and that means a lot, for as a whole they are, almost in every line, the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me in my life) are those in which you agree with my 'fear' and at the same time try to explain that I don't need to have it. For I too, even though I may sometimes look like a bribed defender of my 'fear', probably agree with it deep down in myself, indeed it is part of me and perhaps the best part. And as it is my best, it is also perhaps this alone that you love. For what else worthy of love could be found in me? But this is worthy of love.”

“So far as the beggar woman is concerned, there was certainly neither anything good nor anything bad in it, I was simply too distracted or too much preoccupied with one thing to act in any other way but according to vague memories. And one such memory says, for instance: 'Don't give too much to beggars, you'll regret it later.' Once as a very small boy I was given a Sechserl and felt a great urge to hand it to an old beggar woman who sat between the Grosse and the Kleine Ring. But the sum seemed to me enormous, a sum which probably never before had been given to a beggar, so I was ashamed in front of the beggar woman to do something so unheard-of, but give it to her I felt I must. I therefore changed the Sechserl into ten Kreuzers, gave one to the beggar woman, ran round the whole block of the Town Hall and the arcade near the Kleine Ring, arrived from the left as a completely new benefactor, gave the beggar woman another Kreuzer, started to run again and actually made this round ten times (or maybe not quite so many, for I believe the beggar woman lost her patience later and disappeared). In any case, toward the end I was so exhausted, morally as well, that I ran straight home and cried until my mother replaced the Sechserl. You see, I have bad luck with beggars, but I declare myself prepared to pay out my entire present and future fortune in the smallest Viennese bank notes to a beggar woman standing by the Opera, on condition that you're present and I may feel you close to me.”

“Nevertheless, the chief thing is: Whatever the others surrounding you in a wide circle may say about you, in superior wisdom, in bestial (except that beasts are not like that) denseness, in diabolical kindness, in homicidal love - I, I, Milena, know to my last fibre that whatever you do you will be doing right, whether you stay in Vienna, or do now this, now that. What, after all, should I be doing with you if I didn't know this? As in the deep sea there is no tiniest spot that isn't always under the heaviest pressure, so it is with you, but any other life is a disgrace and makes me sick to think of; until recently I thought I couldn't endure life, couldn't endure people, and was very ashamed of it, but you confirm to me now that it wasn't life that seemed undendurable to me.”

“A few days ago I resumed that 'war-service' - or, more correctly, 'manoeuvre' life, which I discovered years ago to be the most suitable for myself at certain times. Sleeping in bed in the afternoon as long as possible, then walking about for two hours, then staying awake as long as possible. But in this 'long as possible' lies the hitch. 'It isn't possible for long', not in the afternoon, not at night, and yet I'm actually wilted when I get to the office in the morning. And the real prize lies hidden in the depths of the night, in the second, third, fourth hour; but nowadays if I don't go to bed at latest around midnight, night and day and I myself are lost.”