“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” KnowsSaidHumorFunnyMotherFatherBirthEasierHundredDollarsFather Son Author:Rita Rudner
“People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.” PeopleIfsWaySaidHumorHandsWould BeFunnyNightGuyPrayingGunKneesEvery NightUfoAlabamaShotgunsAbduction Author:Bill Hicks
“I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?” PeopleThinkingWantShouldWritingSaidHumorFunnyFormHateDutyLike YouReturnMy FriendsI HateRacistJuryChinksJury Duty Author:Sarah Silverman