“Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.” FirstsMaySaidStatesLastsAmericaNightBlackPresidentUnitedUnited StatesToo MuchHeardPercentVoteDemocratBarackSenatorsUnited States Of AmericaHistoricLast NightJimmyCarterJack Kennedy Author:Jon Stewart
“I used to take musical instruments home from elementary school. There were some music teachers there - we all learned instruments. A lot of us got started in public schools. Charlie Parker and Bud Powell, for example. But now there are no more music teachers in public elementary schools. It's like (Senator) Moynihan said, 'benign neglect.' Just let it rot and fester.” SaidHomeSchoolUsedTeacherExampleInstrumentsMusicalNeglectSenatorsPublic SchoolCharlieBudBenignElementary SchoolMusical InstrumentsMusic Teacher Author:Max Roach
“There are many individual senators, including myself, who have said that, at an appropriate time after disposing of the impeachment matter, that an appropriate censure resolution that seems to me should be considered by the Congress.” ShouldSaidMatterSeemsIndividualIncludingCongressAppropriateResolutionSenatorsCensureImpeachmentAppropriate Time Author:Carl Levin
“Well, another senator rose and said {as they always do} 'Does the gentleman yield?' They always say that - least they call each other 'gentleman' in there. But the tone they put on the word, it would sound more appropriate if they came right out and said 'Would the coyote from Maine yield?' 'cause that's about the way it sounds. Well, then, the other senator says 'I yield' (for if he don't the other guy'll keep on talking anyhow). So the coyote from Maine says 'I yield to...the polecat from Oregon!'” IfsWayWellsDoeSaidPoliticalGuyPoliticsCausesSoundTalkingRoseGentlemanToneAppropriateYieldSenatorsOther GuysMaineOregonCoyotes Author:Will Rogers
“There are some who might say that somebody named Barack Obama can't be elected senator in the state of Illinois. They're probably the same folks who said that a guy named Rod Blagojevich couldn't be elected governor of the state of Illinois.” SaidStatesMightGuyFolksBarackGovernorsSenatorsIllinois Author:Barack Obama
“Texas Senator Ted Cruz said if elected president he would abolish the Department of Education. But not to worry. He promised to replace it with the less expensive Bureau of Book Learning.” IfsSaidBookPresidentWorryExpensiveDepartmentTexasSenatorsAbolishCruzBook Learning Author:Conan O'Brien
“People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'” PeopleWantFirstsSaidNextPresidentTermSecretPromiseElectionHeyFormerSlipsBeing RealSenatorsPickySecret Service Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney's potential 2016 campaign and said, 'It's sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.' When someone told him Einstein didn't actually say that, he said, 'In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.''” SaidDifferentResultsDefinitionsCampaignsInsanitySenatorsRomneyDefinition Of Insanity Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Republican Scott Brown lost his bid for Senate in New Hampshire last night, two years after he was voted out as Senator in Massachusetts. When asked what he was planning to do next, he said, 'Are they still looking for a mayor in Toronto?'” YearsSaidStillsTwoLastsNightNextLostRepublicanPlanningBrownTwo YearsSenateSenatorsLast NightMayorsTorontoMassachusettsHampshireNew Hampshire Author:Jimmy Fallon
“As we watched Judge Clarence Thomas's Supreme Court confirmation hearings, all of the commentators said the same thing: 'One of these people in the room is lying.' Do you believe that? You've got two lawyers and 14 senators in the room, and only one of them is lying?” PeopleBelieveSaidTwoLyingRoomsJudgingCourtHearingLawyerSupremeSenatorsSupreme CourtCommentatorsConfirmation Author:Jay Leno