“All in all it's a pretty great day for major league sports. At long last they've decided that gay people are fit to be included in their elite club-one that's already allowed in adulterers, wife-swappers, gamblers, cheaters, rapists, racists and slaughterers of man. Those who've abused spouses, drugs, alcohol, family members and animals. Congratulations, gay athletes. Are you sure you want to hang out with these people?” PeopleMenWantLongLastsSportsChangeAnimalWifeFitGayDrugMembersMajorsDecidedAthleteClubsAlcoholLeagueRacistHanging OutElitesSpouseCongratulationsGay PeopleFamily MembersGreat DayMajor LeagueCheater Author:Jon Stewart
“When I was doing drugs and alcohol, I thought I'll have a drink and a line of this and I'll smoke this. I didn't go, 'Then I'm going to go out and get drunk, come back strangle my wife and wake up in jail on charges of attempted murder,' but that's what happened. I'm not telling people what to do. If they can enjoy doing it and they get on with it and they can handle it fine, but don't involve me. I'm lucky to be alive; you're playing with Russian roulette.” PeopleIfsEnjoyLinesAliveWifeHappenedFineDrinkDrugLuckyMurderWake UpMy WifeAlcoholHandleDrunkSmokeJailDrugs And AlcoholRouletteRussian RouletteLucky To Be Alive Author:Ozzy Osbourne
“I'm smart enough to know when I've done something wrong, but I don't understand this. Guys are beating their wives, getting DUIs and doing drugs, and I get national attention for a Sharpie? People are personally attacking me, calling me a classless asshole because I did something creative during a game. Why?” PeopleKnowsDoneEnoughGuyGamesAttentionCreativeWifeCallingDrugSmartThis GuyAttackingDui Author:Terrell Owens
“My wife always says that I will be stuck with this forever: I am the difficult one. With Jack Nicholson they always said it was drugs. Warren Beatty is supposed to have screwed everything that jumped off the curve. I'll tell you, in reality a few of us had as many girls as Warren.” SaidRealityGirlDifficultForeverWifeDrugMy WifeStuckCurvesWar On DrugsNicholsonBeatty Author:Dustin Hoffman
“I've got a 15-year old son and a 10-year old daughter, and if they were going to do one of the following things: be an alcoholic; be a drug offender; beat their wife or husband; or gamble. I hope they would gamble.” IfsYearsWifeSonDrugHusbandBeatsDaughterFollowingAlcoholicsGambleOffenders Author:Pete Rose
“No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.” KnowsIdeasKidsJobsUsedHouseLostWifeCarDrugBeatsSorryHonestlyAssLaughedGreat TimesVery PopularHad A Great Time Author:Bill Hicks
“I was blessed that I got married early and had a good wife. That sort of kept me straight. Probably I would have been like Charlie Parker, you know, involved in drugs or alcohol or something like that if I hadn't had this stability.” IfsKnowsHas BeensWifeInvolvedDrugMarriedBlessedAlcoholStabilityCharlieGood Wife Author:Dizzy Gillespie