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Adam Nostra Quotes

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Famous Adam Nostra Quotes

“The way to succeed on Tinder is, as everyone knows, to be a humorless narcissist with no personality because you spend all your time trying to look good and none at all cultivating a brain. You get two beauties together – a bimbo and a himbo – and all you have is a tumbleweed conversation. They don’t know anything, so they have nothing to talk about. Once the vacuous, vapid chat-up lines are exhausted – in five-seconds-flat – what’s left? They have to fuck because there’s nothing else for them to do, except go back to posting selfies and watching videos of cats. Yawn. What a non-life.”

“Jesus is baffled by Tinder. He wants to love his matches, but is strictly celibate. The Holy Ghost does all of Jesus’ fucking for him. Apparently, Jesus calls his penis Lazarus because he has to raise it from the dead. It takes a miracle to get it up. Only torture porn gets him hard.”

“Jesus Christ is such a bad date. If he took you out on a date to a nice restaurant, he’d keep referring to it as his “Last Supper”. What a downer. He only eats bread and only drinks red wine. If your parents told you never to discuss sex, politics or religion at the dinner table, you’d never be able to have a conversation with JC. The only thing he talks about is religion. God save us! Not any religion, just his religion. He’s fixated on it. It’s all he thinks about. He couldn’t tell you even one thing about Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism or Satanism.”