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Tinder Quotes

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Tinder Quotes

“The way to succeed on Tinder is, as everyone knows, to be a humorless narcissist with no personality because you spend all your time trying to look good and none at all cultivating a brain. You get two beauties together – a bimbo and a himbo – and all you have is a tumbleweed conversation. They don’t know anything, so they have nothing to talk about. Once the vacuous, vapid chat-up lines are exhausted – in five-seconds-flat – what’s left? They have to fuck because there’s nothing else for them to do, except go back to posting selfies and watching videos of cats. Yawn. What a non-life.”

SexDatingSocial MediaTinderHookups
Book:The Devil and Jesus Debate Tinder Strategies: How to Optimize Your Tinder Success
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“I quickly found the dating/hookup app to be a dangerous addition to my iPhone. A friend recommended it after shit hit the fan with my boyfriend. With enough breakups under my belt, I knew that the healthiest remedy was a solid rebound fuck or two. Tinder made it easy- too easy. Suddenly, I could sit in traffic, on the toilet, or in line at the DMV and carelessly swipe, swipe, swipe my way to dick-on-delivery. Tinder selections are based on proximity via smart phones, so there are tons of tourists, travelers, and young professionals on business trips swiping through new hunting grounds. Its loose, easy-come-easy-go method made hookups as convenient as picking up lunch. Tinder’s nonchalance went both ways. We had nothing to lose.”

FeminismDatingSocial MediaSexualityMasculinityFeminist QuotesSex QuotesMaggie Young QuotesTinderModern RomanceThe Anal RenaissanceAnalHookupMillennial DatingProstate PhobiaMillennial Sex
Author:Maggie Young
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“Jesus is baffled by Tinder. He wants to love his matches, but is strictly celibate. The Holy Ghost does all of Jesus’ fucking for him. Apparently, Jesus calls his penis Lazarus because he has to raise it from the dead. It takes a miracle to get it up. Only torture porn gets him hard.”

HumorJesusSexChristComedyJokeHoly GhostTinderLazarus
Book:The Devil and Jesus Debate Tinder Strategies: How to Optimize Your Tinder Success
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“Jesus Christ is such a bad date. If he took you out on a date to a nice restaurant, he’d keep referring to it as his “Last Supper”. What a downer. He only eats bread and only drinks red wine. If your parents told you never to discuss sex, politics or religion at the dinner table, you’d never be able to have a conversation with JC. The only thing he talks about is religion. God save us! Not any religion, just his religion. He’s fixated on it. It’s all he thinks about. He couldn’t tell you even one thing about Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism or Satanism.”

Jesus ChristDateTinderLast SupperDinner Date
Book:The Devil and Jesus Debate Tinder Strategies: How to Optimize Your Tinder Success
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“You're certainly not dressed like you're running a business." Eyes blazing, she glared. "What's wrong with how I'm dressed?" "An apron and a pink tracksuit with Juicy written across the ass are hardly serious business attire and they certainly don't scream swipe right on desi Tinder." Sam didn't know if there was such a thing as Tinder for people of South Asian descent living abroad, but if it did exist, he and Layla would definitely not have been a match. Layla gave a growl of frustration. "You may be surprised to hear that I don't live my life seeking male approval. I'm just getting over a breakup so I'm a little bit fragile. Last night, I went out with Daisy and drank too much, smoked something I thought was a cigarette, danced on a speaker, and fell onto some loser named Jimbo, whose girlfriend just happened to be an MMA fighter and didn't like to see me sprawled on top of her man. We had a minor physical altercation and I was kicked out of the bar. Then I got dumped on the street by my Uber driver because I threw up in his cab. So today, I just couldn't manage office wear. It's called self-care, and we all need it sometimes. Danny certainly wouldn't mind." "Who's Danny?" The question came out before he could stop it. "Someone who appreciates all I've got going here-" she ran a hand around her generous curves- "and isn't hung up on trivial things like clothes." She tugged off the apron and dropped it on the reception desk. "I'm not hung up on clothes, either," Sam teased. "When I'm with a woman I prefer to have no clothes at all." Her nose wrinkled. "You're disgusting." "Go home, sweetheart." Sam waved a dismissive hand. "Put your feet up. Watch some rom-coms. Eat a few tubs of ice cream. Have a good cry. Some of us have real work to do.”

AttireTinderBad NightHot Takes
Book:The Marriage Game
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“Society is to the individual what the sun and showers are to the seed. It develops him, expands him, unfolds him, calls him out of himself. Other men are his opportunity. Each one is a match which ignites some new tinder in him unignitible by any previous match. Without these the sparks of individuality would sleep in him forever.”

MenOpportunityIndividualSleepSunForeverIndividualitySeedsSparksShowersIgniteTinder
Book:Rising in the World: Or, Architects of Fate; a Book Designed to Inspire Youth to Character Building, Self-culture and Noble Achievement
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“Tardiness is next to wickedness in a society relentless in its consumption of time as both a good and a service--as tweet and Instagram, film clip and sound bite, as sporting event, investment opportunity, Tinder hookup, and interest rate--its value measured not by its texture or its substance but by the speed of its delivery, a distinction apparent to Andy Warhol when he supposedly said that any painting that takes longer than five minutes to make is a bad painting.”

SaidFilmValuesNextOpportunitySoundInterestFiveMinutesEventsPaintingInvestmentRateSpeedSubstanceDistinctionBitesConsumptionWickednessFive MinutesRelentlessInstagramTextureTweetDeliveryInterest RateClipWarholSound BitesSporting EventsTinderTardiness
Author:Lewis H. Lapham
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“There would be a blaze and a confusion, in which timid men would doubt whether the constitution would be burned to tinder or only illuminated; but that blaze and that confusion would be dear to Mr. Daubney if he could stand as the centre figure, the great pyrotechnist who did it all, red from head to foot with the glare of the squibs with which his own hands were filling all the spaces.”

IfsMenHandsWould BeSpaceDoubtFeetFiguresRedConstitutionDearConfusionBurnedCentreFillingGlareTinder
Author:Anthony Trollope
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“Ever since our first fathers by infection took this morbum sathanicum, this devilish disease, pride, of the devil, such tinder is our nature, that every little spark sets us on fire; our nature hath grown so light, that every little thing puffeth us up, and sets us aloft in our altitudes presently.”

FirstsLittlesLightFatherFirePrideDiseaseDevilLittle ThingsSparksInfectionDevilishTinder
Book:Ninety-Six Sermons by the Right Honourable and Reverend Father in God, Lancelot Andrewes, Sometime Lord Bishop of Winchester, Vol. V
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“It is the fixed that horrifies us, the fixed that assails us with the tremendous force of mindlessness. The fixed is a Mason jar,and we can't beat it open. ...The fixed is a world without fire--dead flint, dead tinder, and nowhere a spark. It is motion without direction, force without power, the aimless procession of caterpillars round the rim of a vase, and I hate it because at any moment I myself might step to that charmed and glistening thread.”

WorldMomentsMightHateForceStepsFireBeatsI HateRoundsFixedSparksThreadFutilityJarsCaterpillarsMasonsCharmedRimsProcessionVasesTinder
Book:PILGRIM AT TINKER CREEK
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“Same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea, they don't get it. They're not in that same life experience of paying the bills, doing the mortgage, kids, community, crime, education and health care. They're like healthy and hot and running around without a care in the world... I just think, excuse them, so they can go back on Tinder and Match.com.”

ThinkingWorldIdeasReasonCareRunningKidsYoungCommunityCrimeHealthyHotBillsExcuseHealth CareReason WhyGood IdeasLife ExperienceYoung WomenJuryMortgageTinder
Author:Kimberly Guilfoyle
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“The Crone, the Reaper... She is the Dark Moon, what you don't see coming at you, what you don't get away with, the wind that whips the spark across the fire line. Chance, you could say, or, what's scarier still: the intersection of chance with choices and actions made before. The brush that is tinder dry from decades of drought, the warming of the earth's climate that sends the storms away north, the hole in the ozone layer. Not punishment, not even justice, but consequence.”

MadeStillsActionEarthChoicesLinesJusticeDarkChanceFireWindMoonConsequenceClimateStormDecadesPunishmentHolesDryGet AwaySparksLayersBrushesWhipsDroughtIntersectionsReaperOzoneTinderOzone Layer
Author:Starhawk
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“After the one extravagant gesture of creation in the first place, the universe has continued to deal exclusively in extravagances, flinging intricacies and colossi down aeons of emptiness, heaping profusions on profligacies with ever-fresh vigor. The whole show has been on fire from the word go. I come down to the water to cool my eyes. But everywhere I look I see fire; that which isn't flint is tinder, and the whole world sparks and flames.”

WorldFirstsLooksHas BeensWholeShowsEyeUniverseWaterDealsFireCreationWhole WorldFlamesEmptinessSparksGesturesVigorExtravagantExtravaganceIntricacyTinder
Author:Annie Dillard
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“Never has there been a map, however carefully executed to detail and scale, which has carried its owner over even one inch of ground. Never has there been a parchment of law, however fair, which prevented one crime. Never has there been a scroll, even such as the one I hold, which so much as a penny or produced a single word of acclamation. Action, alone, is the tinder which ignites the map, the parchment, this scroll, my plans, my goals, into a living force. Action is the food and drink which will nourish my success. I will act now.”

ActionLawForceGoalPlansCrimeDrinkFairsDetailsScalesOwnersMapsInchesPenniesIgniteSingle WordFood And DrinkTinder
Book:The Greatest Salesman in the World
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