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Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney Quotes

Writer

Andy Rooney was an American writer renowned for his sharp wit and humor. He was a regular contributor to '60 Minutes' on CBS, where he shared his opinions and observations on a wide range of topics. Rooney's writing style was characterized by its conversational tone and his ability to find humor in everyday situations.

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Famous Andy Rooney Quotes

“I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.”

Want Looks Said Understood Attraction Retirement Florida

Author:Andy Rooney

“There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.”

People Want Made Matter Seems Left Trouble Groups Ought Politician Safe Negative Sticks Lists Instance Target Unfair Say Anything

Author:Andy Rooney

“In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.”

Ifs Knows Want Government Asks Assistants Confidential

Author:Andy Rooney

“I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.”

People Ifs Thinking Want Problem Jobs Produce Army Average Volunteer Joining The Army

Author:Andy Rooney

“One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.”

Want Years Kind Done Guy Nice Doors One Day Office Years Ago Bills Gates Be Kind Billionaire Nice Guy

Author:Andy Rooney

“I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.”

Want Giving Believe I Believe Baby My Family Cracks Addict Combs Stooges

Book:Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit

Source: Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit

“I understand shipping - you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company - but what's this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don't want a lot of people handling something I'm going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn't handle it before you sent it to me?”

People Ifs Want Doe Pay Company Cost Handle Stamps Shipping

Author:Andy Rooney

“Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.”

People Thinking Want Literature Boys Smart Intelligence Dumb Just One Frustrated Smart People Very Smart Obscenity Dumb People

Author:Andy Rooney

“When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.”

Ifs Want Asks Ask Me Sarcasm Sarcastic Waiter Peppers

Author:Andy Rooney

“I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?”

Ifs Thinking Knows Want Mean Helping Government Numbers Sells Surprise Telephones Surprise Me Census Census Bureau

Author:Andy Rooney

“I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.”

Ifs Want Government Might Happens Form Next Months Return Areas Mail Census

Author:Andy Rooney

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.”

“You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.”

Knows Want War Funny Military Blame Iraq Toys New Toys

Author:Andy Rooney

“Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.”

Thinking Men Way Want Looks Helping Sex Morning Blood Wake Up Nerves Want Me He Wants Me

Author:Andy Rooney

“Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.”

People Ifs World Way Want Trying Might Nations Protect Weapons Hated Behave

Author:Andy Rooney

“We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.”

Want Needs Desire Silence Conversation Distance Privacy Get Away One Time Torn Proximity Lonliness We Need Each Other Away From Each Other Need To Get Away

Author:Andy Rooney

“I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.”

Want Hard Compassion I've Learned I Have Learned Shells Appreciated

Author:Andy Rooney

“Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.”

Want Wealth Poor Rich Get Rich

Author:Andy Rooney

About the Author

Born: January 14, 1919
Died: November 4, 2011
Known for: Writer
Quotes: 252

Related Topics

People Ifs I've Learned I Have Learned Literature Want Knows Thinking World Should Believe Way Persons Years Atheist Giving Ideas Littles Needs Writing

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Books & Sources

Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and WitRelated source material

Not That You Asked...Related source material

Sincerely, Andy RooneyRelated source material

Common NonsenseRelated source material

Years of Minutes: The Best of Rooney from 60 MinutesRelated source material

My WarRelated source material

Out of my mindRelated source material

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