“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”
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Famous Evan Esar Quotes
“Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions-because they know all the answers.”
“The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.”
“You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.”
“There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.”
Source: The Comic Encyclopedia: A Library of the Literature and History of Humor Containing Thousands of Gags, Sayings, and Stories
“An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.”
Source: The Comic Encyclopedia: A Library of the Literature and History of Humor Containing Thousands of Gags, Sayings, and Stories
“The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.”
“To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.”
“Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.”
“The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.”
“Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.”
Source: The Comic Encyclopedia: A Library of the Literature and History of Humor Containing Thousands of Gags, Sayings, and Stories
“Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.”
“If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.”
“A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.”
Source: The Comic Encyclopedia: A Library of the Literature and History of Humor Containing Thousands of Gags, Sayings, and Stories
“A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.”
“The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.”
“There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.”
“Common sense is usually lack of imagination, and imagination is usually lack of common sense.”
“Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.”
“Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.”
“The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.”
“A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.”
“Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.”
“About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.”
“Consistency is a jewel, but too much jewelry is vulgar.”
Source: The Comic Encyclopedia: A Library of the Literature and History of Humor Containing Thousands of Gags, Sayings, and Stories
“The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.”
“A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.”
“Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.”
“Conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cowardice.”
“The man who avoids debt doesn't have to worry about avoiding his creditors.”
“Nowadays it's not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.”
“A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.”
“A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.”
“Life is a battle of wits, and many people have to fight it unarmed.”
“Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.”
“A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.”