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John Niland Books

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“My biggest concern with positive affirmations is not so much whether they work or not, but that they reinforce this tyrannical imperative of positive thinking (and self-esteem). In this kingdom of positivity, there is no room for down days. When my friend cannot be positive, will she be even harder on herself? That’s the problem with positive thinking: it’s a plant with shallow roots. We need deep roots to sustain us through prolonged harsh conditions. Hence the insistence on planting self-worth in deep soil, below the shallow layer of all assessments.”

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Book:The Self-Worth Safari: Valuing Your Life and Your Work
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“You can change careers, friends, and even partners, but the body always comes with you. You cannot emigrate from your body. Cosmetic surgery may be capable of removing the pockets from under the eyes—at least for a few years. […] The body is the house that we always reside in. […] When we talk about self-worth, we are not just referring to some inner “ghost in the machine.” We include hands, feet, legs, belly, chest, and shoulders. Whatever age these parts of us may be, whether they are too big or too small, too long or too short, even healthy or sick, when can we make peace with each vital part of ourselves and recognize its intrinsic value?”

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Book:The Self-Worth Safari: Valuing Your Life and Your Work
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“... think of self-acceptance in terms of “permission.” So, for example, “accepting the need to rest” might become “giving myself permission to rest.” In whatever way you look at it, self-acceptance or permission means you honestly acknowledge reality. It also means putting down the stick that we’ve been using to beat ourselves. In this way, the pain lessens and our capacity to act is enhanced.”

Self WorthSelf AcceptancePermission
Author:John Niland
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“Shinzen Young’s formula suffering equals pain multiplied by resistance (S = P × R) applies perfectly in these types of situations. We magnify any pain by the degree to which we fight it. When we stop reproaching and start accepting, suffering diminishes. A big part of the Self-Worth Safari adventure is that of reconnecting with your intrinsic reality, rather than living in the mental movie theater of self-assessment and self-reproach. The terrain of romantic love can be painful enough without adding any additional penalty points. If you have lost a partner (or someone you hoped would be a partner), even if love has eluded you entirely, that’s enough to deal with. You don’t need the additional burden of negative judgment about yourself. The pain of loss heals with time, but self-reproach is like a cancer that eats away at happiness and energy. Self-acceptance is a deep understanding of who you really are, with honest acknowledgment of (so-called) strengths and weaknesses as well as your needs. It means accepting your reality, even when it’s not “enough”.”

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Author:John Niland
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“As the foundation of all progress with self-worth is acceptance, we build self-worth by asserting our value, not assessing it. Self-worth is a declaration, not an evaluation. There are no scales, no points, no scores out of a hundred, no preconditions. There is but a single assertion: “Because I’m worth it” or your own equivalent.”

Self EsteemSelf ImprovementSelf WorthAssertionYou Are Worthy
Book:The Self-Worth Safari: Valuing Your Life and Your Work
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“Our relationship with ourselves significantly affects how we interact with other people. Our self-esteem frequently depends on how we feel we are “doing” at relationships. Given that this fluctuates, so does our self-esteem. Intellectually, we may tell ourselves that it shouldn’t, but when have emotions ever obeyed the intellect?”

Self EsteemSelf WorthRelationship With Self
Book:The Self-Worth Safari: Valuing Your Life and Your Work
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