“An example of making this delineation of responsibility, outside the realm of codependency, is when a person witnesses for Christ and shares the Gospel with an unbeliever. While the Christian is responsible to the Lord, he is not responsible for the unbeliever's response to the gospel. That is between God and the unbeliever. If the Christian who testifies for the Lord without apparent results thinks it's his fault the listener is not converted, he is limiting the sovereignty of God and taking responsibility beyond his capability. Likewise if a spouse or friend assumes responsibility beyond what God has given, he is operating outside his own area of obedience to the Lord. When that happens, he may tend to discontinue obeying God, since he is unsuccessful in accomplishing the responsibility given to others.” ResponsibilityFamilyChristianityObedienceEvangelismCodependency Book:12 Steps to Destruction: Codependecy/Recovery Heresies Source: 12 Steps to Destruction: Codependecy/Recovery Heresies
“Indeed, many relationships identified as “codependent” do involve pride, not low self-worth or a deficiency of selflove. An underlying lie of people married to drunks and other “losers” may be their own sense of mastery and self-confidence in being able to change others through their own wonderful goodness and love. They may have excessive belief in their own ability to help another person, or they may think that others will change just because of being married to them. They may also have high expectations of the spouse being forever grateful for being rescued by such an excellent partner. Then when their heroic efforts fail, they may cast blame onto themselves as well as their spouses, parents, or whomever else might be in the picture. They may then experience feelings of hopelessness about themselves and their circumstances. They may be filled with self-pity and be dissatisfied with themselves. But that is not true self-hatred. That is self-love that does not want to suffer.” RelationshipsSelf EsteemCodependencySelf Hatred Book:12 Steps to Destruction: Codependecy/Recovery Heresies Source: 12 Steps to Destruction: Codependecy/Recovery Heresies
“Victory in codependency/recovery thus sounds like this: 'As I changed, all hell broke loose in my marriage . . . My husband and I began to fight a lot. My changes threatened him. I kept getting better, but the healthier I got, the worse it got at home. . . . I consider filing for divorce a real triumph in my recovery.” MarriageAddictionDivorceRecoveryCodependency Book:12 Steps to Destruction: Codependecy/Recovery Heresies Source: 12 Steps to Destruction: Codependecy/Recovery Heresies