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“I reach for her. 'I'm so sorry I had to keep...' My words die on my tongue as she steps back, avoiding me. 'Not happening.' A world of hurt flashes in those hazel eyes, and I fucking wither. 'Just because I believe you and am willing to fight with you doesn't mean I'll trust you with my heart again. and I can't be with someone I don't trust.' Something in my chest crumples. 'I've never lied to you, Violet. Not once. I never will.' She walks over to the window and looks down, then slowly turns back to me. 'It's not even that you kept this from me. I get it. It's the ease with which you did it. The ease with which I let you into my hear and didn't get the same in return.' She shakes her head, and I see it there, the love, but it's masked behind defences I foolishly forced her to build. I love her. Of course I love her. But if I tell her now, she'll think I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons, and honestly, she'd be right. I'm not going to lose the only woman I've ever fallen for without a fight. 'You're right. I kept secrets,' I admit, pressing forward again, taking step after step until I'm less than a foot from her. I palm the glass on both sides of her head, loosely caging her in, but we both know she could walk away if she wanted. But she doesn't move. 'It took me a long time to trust you, a long time to realise I fell for you.' Someone knocks, I ignore it. 'Don't say that.' She lifts her chin, but I don't miss the way she glances at my mouth. 'I fell for you.' I lower my head and look straight into her gorgeous eyes. She might be rightfully pissed, but she sure as Malek isn't fickle. 'And you know what? You might not trust me anymore, but you still love me.' Her lips part, but she doesn't deny it. 'I gave you my trust for free once, and once is all you get.' She masks the hurt with a quick blink. Never again. Those eyes will never reflect hurt I've inflicted ever again. 'I fucked up by not telling you sooner, and I won't even try to justify my reasons. But now I'm trusting you with my life- with everyone's lives.' I've risked it all by just bringing her here instead of taking her body back to Basgiath. 'I'll tell you anything you want to know and everything you don't. I'll spend every single day of my life earning back your trust.' I'd forgotten what it felt like to be loved, really, truly, loved- it'd been so many years since Dad died. And mom... Not going there. But then Violet gave me those words, gave me her trust, her heart, and I remembered. I'll be damned if I don't fight to keep them. 'And if it's not possible?' 'You still love me. It's possible.' Gods, do I ache to kiss her, to remind her exactly what we are together, but I won't, not until she asks. 'I'm not afraid of hard work, especially not when I know just how sweet the rewards are.. I would rather lose this entire war than live without you, and if that means I have to prove myself, over and over, then I'll do it. You gave me your heart, and I'm keeping it.' She already owns mine, even if she doesn't realise it.”

“Why would you do that to him?' I hurl at Xaden, then shake my head. I don't care why. 'Forget it,' I mutter, then march off, heading back toward the spot where Tairn told me to wait. 'Because you put too much faith in him,' Xaden answers anyway, catching up to me without even lengthening his stride. 'And knowing who to trust is the only thing that will keep you alive- keep us alive- not only in the quadrant but after graduation.' 'There is no us,' I say, dodging a racer as she races past. Dragons land left and right, the ground trembling with the force of the riot's movement. I've never seen so many dragons at flight in the same moment. 'Oh, I think you'll find that's no longer the case,' ...”

“Stand,' he says against my lips. 'Xaden.' My heart thunders. 'I fucking need you, Violet. Right now. And I don't need anyone, so I'm not quite sure how to handle this feeling, but I'm giving it my best. And if you don't want this tonight, that's fine, but I'm going to need you to walk out that door right now, because if you don't, I'm going to have you naked on your back in the next two minutes.' The intensity in his eyes and the vehemence of his words should frighten me, but they don't. Even if this man loses every ounce of his self-control, I know he'll never hurt me. Not with his body, at least. 'Walk away or stay, but either way, I need you to stand up,' he begs. 'I think two minutes might be overestimating your skills with a corset.' I glance down at my armour. He grins and lifts me from his lap. My feet hit the floor. 'I'm timing you.' 'Is that-' 'One. Two.' I hold up my fingers. 'Three.' He's on his feet in a heartbeat, and then his mouth is on mine, and I stop counting.”

“You have to go.' HIs words are clipped and at odds with the heat in his eyes, his ragged breaths. 'Why?' The cold is a shock to my system without his body heat. 'Because I can't.' He rakes both hands through his hair and leaves them on the top of his head. 'And I refuse to act on desire that isn't yours. So you have to walk back up those steps. Now.' I shake my head. 'But I want-' Everything. 'This isn't your want.' He tilts his head up at the sky. 'That's the fucking problem. And I can't leave you out here on your own, so have just a little mercy on me and go.' Silence ices over between us as I get ahold of myself. He's saying no. And the shitty part about it isn't the chill of chivalrous rejection. It's that he's right. This started because I couldn't tell Tairn's emotions from my own. But those emotions are gone, aren't they? My door is wide open, and I don't feel anything coming from Tairn's direction.”

“There's only you, Violence. Is that what you needed to hear?' I nod. 'Even when I'm not with you, there's only you. Next time just ask. You've never had a problem being bluntly honest with me.' Wind blows around us, but he's as immovable as the parapet itself. 'As I remember, you've even thrown daggers at my head, which I greatly prefer over watching you get tangled up in your thoughts. If you're going to do this, then we have to trust each other.' 'And you want to do this?' I hold my breath. He sighs, long and hard, then admits, 'Yes.' His hands slides up and caresses my cheek with his thumb. 'I can't make you any promises, Violence. But I'm tired of fighting it.' 'Yes.' One word has never meant so much to me.”

“I can't save everyone, especially not someone who isn't willing to save themselves.' 'Damn, Xaden,' Garrick rubs the bridge of his nose. 'Way to give a pep talk.' 'If they need a fucking pep talk, then we both know they're not flying out of the quadrant on graduation day. Let's get real. I can hold their hands and make them a bunch of bullshit empty promises about everyone making it through if that helps them sleep, but in my experience, the truth is far more valuable.' He turns his head, and I can only assume he's looking at the panicked first-year. 'In war, people die. It's not glorious like the bards sing about, either. It's snapped necks and two-hundreds-foot falls. There's nothing romantic about scorched earth or the scent of sulphur. This'- he gestures back toward the citadel- 'isn't some fable where everyone makes it out alive. It's hard, cold, uncaring reality. Not everyone here is going to make it home... to whatever's left of our homes. And make no mistake, we are at war every time we step foot in the quadrant.' He leans forward slightly. 'So if you won't get your shirt together and fight to live, then no. You're not going to make it.”

“You know the problem with this place?' I tug my arm back again, but he holds fast. 'Besides you touching things that don't belong to you?' My eyes narrow on him. 'I'm sure you're going to tell me.' My stomach flutters as his thumb brushes my pulse and he releases my wrist. I answer before I can think better of it. 'Hope.' 'Hope?' He tips his head closer to mine as if he wasn't sure he heard me right. 'Hope.' I nod. 'Someone like you would never get it, but I knew coming here was a death sentence. It didn't matter that I've been trained my entire life to enter the Scribe Quadrant; when General Sorrengail gives an order, you can't exactly ignore it.' Gods, why am I running off at the mouth to this man? What's the worst he'll do? Kill you? 'Sure you can.' He shrugs. 'You just might not like the consequences.' I roll my eyes and to my utter embarrassment, instead of pulling away now that I'm free, I lean in just a little, like I can siphon off some of his strength. He certainly has enough to spare. 'I knew what the odds were, and I came anyway, concentrating on that tiny percentage of chance that I would live. And then I make it almost two months and I get...' I shake my head, clenching my jaw. 'Hopeful.' The word tastes sour.”

“No, Liam,' Xaden chokes out as he crouches in front of us, the muscles in his face working to control his expression, but there's no hiding the despair that pushes at our mental connection. 'Deigh,' Liam pleads in a strangled whisper, turning his head toward Xaden. 'I know, brother,' Xaden's jaw flexes and our gazes lock above Liam as tears overflow my eyes. 'I know.' He leans forward and lifts Liam into his arms, then stands, carrying him. 'I'll take you.”

“Deigh,' Liam whispers, falling limp against Tairn's back. 'I'll get you to him,' I promise, already fumbling with the strap's buckle. 'Deigh's gone,' I cry to Xaden, my voice a trembling mess. 'Liam is dying.' 'No,' I feel his terror, his sorrow, and his overpowering anger wrap around my mind, mixing with my own until it hurts to breathe. Minutes. We have minutes. 'Just hold on,' I whisper to Liam, fighting not to cry as he looks up at me with those sky-blue eyes, wide with shock and pain. After everything Liam has given up for me, this is the least I can do for him. I can get him to Deigh the same way I know he would carry me to Tairn or Andarna.”

“I got the message to you just fine, human.' Tairn's head swivels in that snakelike motion that puts me on alert. He's more than agitated. 'And I barely made it.' The words come out clipped through clenched teeth. 'She would have been dead if I'd been thirty seconds later.' 'Seems like you had thirty seconds gifted to you.' Tairn's chest rumbles with a growl.”

“His thumbs stroke over the soft skin under my ears, and his gaze drops before he suddenly lets go and retreats a full step. 'Damn it. Touching you was a bad idea.' 'The worst.' I agree, but my tongue skims my lower lip. He groans and my core melts at the sound. 'Kissing you would be a cataclysmic mistake.' 'Calamitous.' What would it take to hear that groan again? The inches between us feel like kindling, ready to burn at the first suggestion of hear, and I'm a living, breathing flame. This is everything I should run from, and yet denying the primal attraction I feel is completely, utterly impossible. 'We'll both regret it.' He shakes his head, but there's more than hunger in his eyes as he stares at my lips. 'Naturally,' I whisper. But knowing I'll regret it doesn't stop me from wanting it- wanting him. Regretting is a problem for future Violet. 'Fuck it.' One second he's out of reach and the next his mouth is on mine, hot and insistent. Gods, yes. This is exactly what I need.”

“That hurts so wonderfully. Thank you.' He laughs, making his way up to the tense muscles of my thighs. 'Trust me, my motives aren't altruistic, Violence. I'll take any excuseI can get to put my hands on you.' The scruff on his cheeks scrapes my palms as I slide my hands down the sides of his face to cup the back of his neck. 'The feeling is more than mutual.”

“You're not going to want to see him. Not tonight, Sorrengail.' Garrick warns with a grimace. 'Self-preservation is a thing. Notice we're not with him, and we're his best friends.' 'Yeah, well, I'm his...' I open my mouth and shut it a few times because... fuck if I know what I am to him. But the longing that holds my heart hostage, this driving need to be at his side because I know he's suffering, no matter if it means throwing myself headfirst into uncertainty... I can't deny what he is to me. I kick off the leather slippers of my dress uniform- they're more of a hazard than anything, and in this wind? Well, we'll see how it goes. 'I'm just... his.”

“Though we probably could have waited a couple of days for my arm to heal up before doing this.' The stitches pull, but I've had worse. 'No.' He shakes his head, unsheathing one of his daggers and walking forward. 'The enemy doesn't give a shit if you're wounded. They'll use it to their advantage. If you don't know how to fight in pain, then you'll get us both killed.' 'Fine.' I shift my body weight in annoyance. Little does he know, I'm almost always in pain. It's pretty much my comfort zone. 'That's a good point, so I'll let you have it.' 'Thank you for being so gracious.' He smirks...”

“I was fucking terrified, Violet. There aren't adequate words.' 'I'm fine, Xaden,' she says softly, her hand rising to rest above my pounding heart. 'I thought I was going to lose you.' The confession comes out strangled, and maybe it's pushing my luck after all I've put her through, but I can't keep from leaning forward and brushing my lips over her forehead, then her temple. Gods, I'd kiss her forever if I thought it would keep the coming argument at bay, keep us in this one pristine moment where I can actually believe that everything might be all right between us, that I haven't irrevocably fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to me. 'You aren't going to lose me.' She gives me a puzzled look, smiling like I've said something peculiar. Then she leans in and kisses me. She still wants me. The revelation makes my heart fucking soar. I take the kiss deeper, swiping my tongue over her soft lower lip and gently sucking on the tender curve.”

“You'll hate me in the morning. You. Don't. Really. Want. This.' He punctuates each word with a kiss along my jaw, making his way to my ear. He bites the lobe, and my core liquifies, going molten. 'Stop telling me what I want.' I breathe raggedly and thread my fingers through the short strands of his hair, tilt my head, giving him better access.”

“I'm trying to do the honourable thing and not take advantage of you after you've had a shit day.' His jaw flexes. I smile and kiss the side of his mouth. 'It's always a shit day around here. And it's not taking advantage when I'm asking' -my teeth nip at his lips- 'correction, begging you to make my day better.”

“Violet,' Xaden groans against my mouth. The plea in his tone floods my veins with a whole different form of power. Knowing he's just as affected by our attraction as I am is a rush. 'This isn't what you want.' 'It's exactly what I want,' I counter. I want to replace the anger with lust, the death of the day with the pulse-pounding assurance of my own life, and I know he's capable of delivering all that and more. 'You said to do whatever I need.' I arch my back, pressing the tips of my breasts against his chest. His breathing changes, and there's a war in his eyes that I'm determined to win. It's time to stop dancing around this unbearable tension and break it. He leans down, his mouth only inches from mine. 'And I'm telling you that I'm the last thing you need.' The barely leashed growl of his voice rumbles up through his chest, and every nerve ending in my body flares to life. 'Are you suggesting someone else?' My heart races as I chance calling his bluff. 'Fuck no.' The unmistakable flare of jealousy narrows his eyes for a heartbeat before his hips pin mine to the door, and my instant relief at his answer is replaced by a jolt of pure lust. I can see that infamous control of his hovering on the edge, balancing precariously on the point of a knife. All he needs is one. Little. Push. And I'm about to shamelessly shove. 'Good.' I tilt my head up to his and draw his bottom lip between mine, sucking before gently nipping him with my teeth. 'Because I only want you, Xaden.' The words breach something within him, and he gives. Finally. One mouths collide, and the kiss is hot and hard and completely out of our control.”

“It's not the same for you. You wanted a quiet life full of books and facts. You wanted to record the battles, not be in them. There is nothing wrong with you. You get to be angry that you killed a man today. You get to be angry that man tried to kill your friend. You get to feel however you want within these walls.' He's close enough now that I can feel his body heat through the thin cotton of my dressing gown. 'But not outside them.' It's not a question. 'We're riders,' he says, as if that's explanation enough. He takes hold of my hands and brings them to his chest. 'So do whatever you need to get it out. You want to yell? Yell at me. You want to hit something? Hit me. I can take it.' Hitting him is the last thing I want to do, and suddenly, I'm done fighting it. 'Come on,' he whispers. 'Show me what you've got.' I surge up on my toes and kiss him.”

“Violence,' he says softly, 'did Aetos touch you after I told you about Athebyne?' 'What?' My brow furrows, and I shove an errant strand of hair out of my face as the wind swirls around us. 'Like this.' He lifts his hands to my cheek. 'His power requires touching someone's face. Did he touch you like this?' My lips part. 'Yes, but that's how he always touches me. He would n-never...' I sputter. 'I would know if he read my memories.' Xaden's face falls, and his hand slips downward, cradling the back of my neck. 'No, Violence. Trust me, you wouldn't.' There's no accusation in his tone, just a resignation that hurts what's left of my heart. 'He wouldn't.' I shake my head. Dain is a lot of things, but he would never violate me like that, never take something I hadn't offered. Except he tried once.”

“Did you step in?' Dain demands. 'Did I what?' Xaden arches a dark brow and levels a look on Dain that would make a lesser person wither. 'Did I see her outnumbered and already wounded? Did I think her bravery was as admirable as it was fucking reckless?' He turns that stare on me, and I feel the impact all the way to my toes. 'And I would do it again.' I raise my chin. 'Well-the-fuck-aware,' Xaden roars, losing his temper for the first time since I met him on Parapet. I pull in a quick breath, and Xaden does the same, as if he's just as shocked by his outburst as I am. 'Did I see her fight off three bigger cadets?' His gaze pivots to Dain. 'Because the answer to all of those is yes. But you're asking the wrong question, Aetos. What you should be asking is if Sgaeyl saw it, too.”

“You said not to fall for you. Did you change your mind?' 'Absolutely not.' His jaw tenses. 'Right.' I don't expect that to hurt as much as it does, which is part of the problem. I'm already too emotionally involved to separate out the sex, no matter how phenomenal it is. 'Here's the thing. I don't think I can separate sex from emotion when it comes to you.' Well, shit, now I've said it. 'We're already too close for that, and if we hook up again, I'm going to eventually fall for you.' My heart pounds at the rushed confession, waiting for his response. 'You won't.' Something akin to panic flares in his eyes, and he crosses his arms. I swear I can actually see the man building his defenses against his own feelings. 'You don't really know me. Not at my core.' And whose fault is that? 'I know enough,' I argue softly. 'And we'd have all the time in the world to figure it out if you'd stop acting like such an emotional chickenshit and just admit that you're going to fall for me, too, if we keep this up.' There's no way he would have designed that saddle, spent all that time training me to fight and fly, if he didn't feel something. He's going to have to fight for this, too, or it will never work. 'I have absolutely no intention of falling for you, Sorrengail.' His eyes narrow and he enunciates every word, like I could possibly take that any other way. Fuck. That. He let me in. He told me about his scars. He had an arsenal crafted for me. He cares. He's just as wrapped up in this as I am, even if he's shitty at showing it. 'Ouch,' I wince. 'Well, it's apparent that you're not ready to admit where this is going. So yeah, I think it's best we agree that this was just a onetime thing.' I force my shoulders to shrug. 'We both needed to blow off some steam, and we did, right?' 'Right,' he agrees, apprehension lining his forehead.”

“I never said I don't think you can cut it, Violet.' 'You say it every day!' I snap. 'You say it when you walk me from formation to class, which I know makes you late for flight line. You say it when you yell at your wingleader when he takes me to the mat-' 'He had no right to-' 'He's my wingleader!' I shrug my tunic over my head. 'He has the right to do whatever he wants- including execute me.' 'And that's why you need to get the hell out of here!' Dain laces his fingers behind his neck, and begins to pace. 'I've been watching, Vi. He's just toying with you, like a cat plays with a mouse before the kill.' 'I've held my own so far!' My satchel is heavy with books as I settle it on my shoulder. 'I've won every challenge-' 'Except today when he wiped the floor with you time and again.' He grasps my shoulders. 'Or did you miss the part when he took every weapon so you knew exactly how easy it is to defeat you?' I raise my chin and glare at him. 'I was there, and I've survived almost two months in this place, which is more than I can say for a fourth of my year!”

“You just want her to be like you,' Dain argues. 'A cold-blooded killer. Soon you'll be telling her that it's all right, you get used to the killing.' I inhale a sharp breath. Xaden nails him with a glare. 'The blood in my veins is as warm as yours, Aetos, and if it's my job you want next year, then you'd better start understanding that you never get used to killing, but you do understand that it's necessary.' He turns back to me, his dark gaze boring into mine. 'This isn't primary school. This is war- and you heard me say it once before, but the ugly truth those not on the front lines choose to forget is there are always body bags in war.”

“Don't do this. Riders are known to die during War Games, and she's safer with me.' Dain argues. 'Anything could happen once we're away from Basgiath, let alone you taking her beyond the wards.' 'I'm not dignifying that with a response. This is an order.' Dain's eyes narrow. 'Or has this been your plan all along? To separate her from her squad so you can use her to get your need for revenge on her mother?' 'Dain!' I shake my head at him. 'You know that's not going to happen.' 'Do I?' he fires back. 'He's made a big deal out of the whole if-she-dies-I-die thing, but do you know it for a fact? Do you know Tairn won't survive your death? Or has it all been a ploy to earn your trust, Violet?' I suck in a sharp breath. 'You need to stop right now.' 'Please do quit while you're behind, Aetos,' Xaden seethes. 'You want the truth? She's a fuck of a lot safer with me beyond the wards than she is with you within them. We both know it.' The look in his eyes is similar to the one in Sgaeyl's, and it dawns on me why she chose him. They're both ruthless, both willing to annihilate whatever stands between them and what they want. And Dain is in Xaden's path.”

“Xaden studies me with an intensity that makes me sway towards him. 'You are astonishing.' He shakes his head. 'I couldn't do that for weeks.' 'Guess I have a superior teacher.' The emotion swelling through me is more than joy. It's euphoria that has me grinning like a fool. I'm finally not only good at something, but astonishing.”

“What were you doing tonight anyway?' 'What makes you ask?' His tone clearly insinuates that I shouldn't. Too bad. 'You made it to my room within minutes, and you're not exactly dressed for sleeping.' He's strapped with a sword for crying out loud. 'Maybe I sleep in my armour, too.' 'Then you should pick more trustworthy bedmates.' He snorts, a flash of a smile appearing for a heartbeat. A real one. Not the fake, forced sneer I'm used to seeing or the cocky little smirk. An honest, heart-stopping smile that I'm anything but immune to.”