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Rolf van der Wind Books

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“From the moment I first heard the sound of your voice, my heart took control and was captivated by every vibration. A spark of this fire must have always been within me. Each of your actions only increases my desire for more of you and forces me to crave your presence even more. It is the sound of a lover's voice that I so desperately long for, not the memories of a love that is no longer mine.”

“There are poisons that blind us and poisons that open our eyes. I don't need these eyes; they're too blind to see. But just because I am blind and unable to perceive beauty doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We often don't realize how much of our joy and interest in life comes through our eyes until we have to live without them. Part of that joy is that our eyes can choose where to look, but our minds can't always choose what to think or remember. Over time, our consciousness becomes steeped in the salt of our tears, and we slowly grow sad and lose hope. Perhaps one day, far from now, I will believe again, and when that day comes, I will write to you and see if you respond.”

“There are tears that blind us and tears that open our eyes. I don't need these eyes; they're too blind to see. But just because I am blind and unable to perceive beauty doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We often don't realize how much of our joy and interest in life comes through our eyes until we have to live without them. Part of that joy is that our eyes can choose where to look, but our minds can't always choose what to think or remember. Over time, our consciousness becomes steeped in the salt of our tears, and we slowly grow sad and lose hope. Perhaps one day, far from now, I will believe again, and when that day comes, I will write to you and see if you respond.”

“In the end, I will become the ghost I always feared. When the fire I kindled in my mind reaches my heart, I will start turning everyone I meet to ashes. So, I speak less and less, withdrawing more and more from the outside world. I navigate a realm that seems devoid of other human beings. I have become isolated in my mind, knowing that I will no longer encounter others, even in my thoughts. I love the solitude, so far below, so far away from life...”

“Gestern, inmitten des zarten Übergangs vom Morgengrauen zur Abenddämmerung, fühlte ich mich verloren zwischen der greifbaren Umarmung der Realität und dem vergänglichen Reich der Träume und Illusionen. Die Freude an der Erinnerung, einst ein geschätzter Trost, entzog sich nun meinem Zugriff, denn es gab keinen Begleiter, mit dem ich diese wertvollen Erinnerungen teilen konnte. Es war, als hätte die Abwesenheit meiner Geliebten diesen gemeinsamen Erlebnissen die Essenz entzogen und sie hohl und distanziert gemacht. Der Verlust eines unverzichtbaren Menschen fügt dem Herzen eine tiefe Wunde zu, die nie vollständig heilt. Sie bleiben für immer in den zerbrochenen Kammern unserer Seele präsent, ihre Essenz ist für immer mit unserer eigenen verbunden. Die einfachen Nuancen unseres gemeinsamen Daseins, einst Quellen der Wärme und des Trostes, dienen heute als eindringliche Echos, die vor Schmerz nachhallen. In der riesigen Fläche, in der sich einst deine Präsenz befand, existiert jetzt eine Leere – eine Leere, die genau nach diesem Bild geformt ist und von keinem anderen gefüllt wird. Ich navigiere ständig durch die Konturen dieser Leere, durchquere tagsüber ihre Tiefen und erliege nachts ihrer allumfassenden Dunkelheit. Es ist eine Kluft, die kunstvoll in die Silhouette deiner Abwesenheit eingraviert ist, eine Leere, die sich allen Versuchen der Schließung widersetzt, denn niemand sonst kann jemals den Raum einnehmen, den du einst in meinem Herzen gehalten hast.”

“Discovering the true beauty of the world becomes elusive when our perception remains confined solely to the limitations of our own eyes. However, as the veils of illusion are lifted from our minds, a profound sweetness emerges, beckoning our attention towards the depths of our hearts. In this inward journey, we encounter a presence both substantial and weightless, surpassing the superficiality of mere visual observation. It's a richness that resonates from the very core of our being, a melody echoing from the depths of our souls. As we embrace the spectrum of experiences molding us, we ignite a flame within ourselves, one that has the power to engulf our souls in a final, exhilarating blaze of joy. It's the amalgamation of colors, emotions, and transformations that fuels this fire, propelling us towards a state of revelation and profound understanding.”

“Sometimes the things that are felt the most are expressed between two souls over the distance and over time where no words abide... Across the great unknown, Beyond the reach of sunlight and pale shadows, Over distance and the ticking of time. No language can capture what's in the heart, As emotions surge and souls depart, But in that space between, a bond takes hold, And stories of the soul are silently told. No need for words to bridge the divide, For feelings felt are felt worldwide, And though the chasm may seem too wide, Between two hearts, a soft warm does abide untouched.”

“My existence came to a halt one afternoon long ago, a day like any other, when I realized that nothing was true. Yet, my life continued when it should have ended, in a space that no longer exists, in a decade that slipped away so quickly, with a revelation that altered everything but changed nothing. I have no desire to converse; I have no words left. You want me to stay in touch, so I will wait for you at the end of every blind alley, under the solitary streetlamps of a city that will never be ours. After all, you will not come...those lives whose truths vanished into an eternal vault beyond our reach will never see the sun.”

“There must be a reason for you to stay away silent unreachable, and there must be a reason for the unbearable pain of missing you. If you only knew how hard it is to smile without you, how impossible it is to open my eyes and not think of you, and how sad it is to close them at night without hearing from you. Is the distance between our hearts more significant than our love? So knowing that there is nothing else I can do, I will keep on living, waiting, dying.”

“The pain we feel so deeply inside is the longing to capture moments in life. It is an illusion of the mind that this time can always be kept. We have to let the moments go and learn to accept the goodbyes. No matter the joy or sorrow, keep your heart open and your spirit willing. Embrace the highs and lows of life, cherishing each moment as it passes; that is the essence of living.”

“Life had decided that Aisling and I should not walk the same road hand in hand anymore. My heart had decided never to forget, and my hands missed the warmth of her hands. My eyes searched for her continually, but I could not see her. I did not know if to trust my heart that told me she was always nearby or my eyes that could not see her. I wished to say to her, "Aisling, I am right beside you, and I will love you always.”

“My life feels like a dream that has already ended. There's nothing to fear and nothing to rejoice about. I should feel happy, but instead, I feel nothing. Lately, I experience a profound sense of emptiness. This void is unmistakable, even when I try to convince myself otherwise. It is beautiful, boundless, full yet empty. Now I've come to understand what people mean about memories—whether they are good or bad, they always leave you feeling a bit more empty afterward. After an ending, there's just a long stretch of time where it seems everything has concluded and nothing new will ever begin. Maybe there is no path back to a lost paradise.”

“They'll probably say I'm crazy or even mad, and maybe they're right—I should have kept my distance. There were so many things I wanted to say, truths I wanted to share, but I knew they would only cause pain. So instead, I buried those thoughts deep inside and let the pain consume me. No matter how much I tried to explain, it wouldn't have made a difference. I couldn't even understand the turmoil within myself, so how could I possibly make them understand? As time passes, I find myself growing weaker, but with that weakness comes a strange relief. The less I remember, the less I can be hurt. The fading memories bring a certain numbness, and with it, the suffering begins to fade too.”