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A Court of Mist and Fury

Book by Sarah J. Maas · 50 quotes · Feyre, A Court Of Mist And Fury, Sarah J Maas

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A Court of Mist and Fury Quotes

“You owe me two thoughts- back from when I first came here. Tell me what you're thinking.' Rhys rubbed his neck. 'You want to know why I didn't speak or see you? Because I was so convinced you'd throw me out on my ass. I just...' He dragged a hand through his hair, and huffed a laugh. 'I figured hiding was a better alternative.' 'Who would have thought the High Lord of the Night Court could be afraid of an illiterate human?' I purred. He grinned, nudging me with an elbow. 'That's one,' I pushed. 'Tell me another thought.' His eyes fell on my mouth. 'I'm wishing I could take back that kiss Under the Mountain.' I sometimes forgot that kiss, when he'd done it to keep Amarantha from knowing that Tamlin and I had been in the forgotten hall, tangled up together. Rhysand's kiss had been brutal, demanding, and yet... 'Why?' His gaze settled on the hand I'd painted instead, as if it were easier to face. 'Because I didn't make it pleasant for you, and I was jealous and pissed off, and I knew you hated me.' Dangerous territory, I warned myself. No. Honesty, that's what it was. Honesty, and trust. I'd never had that with anyone. Rhys looked up, meeting my gaze. And whatever as on my face- I think it might have been mirrored on his: the hunger and longing and surprise. I swallowed hard, traced another line of stardust along the inside of his powerful wrist. I didn't think he was breathing.”

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“He said softly, 'I look it when you look at me like that.' The purr in his voice heated my blood. 'Like what?' 'Like my power isn't something to run from. Like you see me.' And to a male who had grown up knowing he was the most powerful High lord in Prythian's history, that he could shred minds if he wasn't careful, that he was alone- alone in his power, in his burden, but that fear was his mightiest weapon against the threats to his people... I'd hit home when we'd fought after the Court of Nightmares. 'I was afraid of you at first.' His white teeth flashed in the shadows of his hood. 'No, you weren't. Nervous, maybe, but never afraid. I've felt the genuine terror of enough people to know the difference. Maybe that's why I couldn't keep away.' When? Before I could ask, he walked downstairs, shutting the door behind him.”

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“Did you think I would go with him?' He paused mid-bite, then lowered his fork. 'I heard every word between you. I knew you could take care of yourself, and yet...' He went back to his pie, swallowing a bite being continuing. 'And yet I found myself deciding that if you took his hand, I would find a way to live with it. It would be your choice.' I sipped from my wine. 'And if he had grabbed me?' There was nothing but uncompromising will in his eyes. 'Then I would have torn apart the world to get you back.”

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“I want to touch you first, ' he said, his voice so guttural I barely recognised it. 'Just- let me touch you.' He palmed my breast for emphasis. It was enough of a broken plea that I paused, yielding as his other hand again trailed lazy lines on my stomach. I can't breathe when I look at you. Let me touch you. Because I was jealous, and pissed off... She's mine. I shut out the thoughts, the bits and pieces he'd given me.”

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“One thought in exchange for another,' I said. 'No training involved, please.' A chuckle rasped out of him, and he drained his glass, setting it on the tray. He watched me take a long drink from mine. 'I'm thinking,' he said, following the flick of my tongue over my bottom lip, 'that I look at you and feel like I'm dying. Like I can't breathe. I'm thinking that I want you so badly I can't concentrate half the time I'm around you, and this room is too small for me to properly bed you. Especially with the wings.' My heart stumbled a beat. I didn't know what to do with my arms, my legs, my face. I gulped down the rest of my wine and discarded the glass beside the bed, steeling my spine as I said, 'I'm thinking that I can't stop thinking about you. And that it's been that way for a long while. Even before I left the Spring Court. And maybe that makes me a traitorous, lying piece of trash, but-' 'It doesn't,' he said, his face solemn. But it did. I'd wanted to see Rhysand during those weeks between visits. And hadn't cared when Tamlin stopped visiting my bedroom. Tamlin had given up on me, but I'd also given up on him. And I was a lying piece of trash for it. I murmured, 'We should go to sleep.”

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“Rhysand was silent beside me. Yet after a moment, he said, 'Out with it.' I lifted a brow. 'You say what's on your mind- one thing. And I'll say one, too.' I shook my head and turned back to the city. But Rhys said, 'I'm thinking that I spent fifty years locked Under the Mountain, and I'd sometimes let myself dream of this place, but I never expected to see it again. I'm thinking that I wish I had been the one who slaughtered her. I'm thinking that if war comes, it might be a long while yet before I get to have a night like this.' He slid his eyes to me, expectant. ... 'This was a no-questions-asked invitation. I told you... three things. Tell me one.' I stared towards the open world, the city, and the restless sea and the dry winter night. Maybe it was some shred of courage, or recklessness, or I was so high above everything that no one save Rhys and the wind could hear, but I said, 'I'm thinking that I must have been a fool in love to allow myself to be shown so little of the Spring Court. I'm thinking there's a great deal of territory I was never allowed to see or hear about and maybe I would have lived in ignorance forever like some pet. I'm thinking...' The words became choked. I shook my head as if I could clear the remaining ones away. But I still spoke them. 'I'm thinking that I was a lonely, hopeless person, and I might have fallen in love with the first thing that showed me a hint of kindness and safety. And I'm thinking maybe he knew that- maybe not actively, but maybe he wanted to be that person for someone. And maybe that worked for who I was before. Maybe it doesn't work for who- what I am now.' There. The words, hateful and selfish and ungrateful. For all Tamlin had done- The thought of his name clanged through me. Only yesterday afternoon, I had been there. No- no I wouldn't think about it. Not yet. Rhys said, 'That was five. Looks like I owe you two thoughts' He glanced behind us. 'Later.' Because the two winged males from earlier were standing in the doorway. Grinning.”

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“You think I'm some busybody gossip? My life is miserable enough as it is- why would I want to spread that misery to those around me as well?' 'Is it miserable? Your life, I mean.' A careful question. 'I don't know. Everything is happening so quickly that I don't know what to feel.' It was more honest than I'd been in a while. 'Hmmm. Perhaps once we return home, I should give you the day off.' 'How considerate of you, my lord.' He snorted, unbuttoning his jacket. I realised I stood in all my finery- with nothing to wear to sleep. A snap of Rhys's fingers, and my nightclothes- and some flimsy underthings- appeared on my bed. 'I couldn't decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from.' 'Pig,' I barked, snatching the clothes and heading to the adjoining bathing room.”

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“Rhys took in the painting I'd done, gobbling down the bright colours that now made the cottage come alive, and said, 'You painted us.' 'I hope you don't mind.' He studied the threshold to the bedroom hallway. 'Azriel, Mor, Amren, and Cassian,' he said, marking the eyes I'd painted. 'You do know that one of them is going to paint a moustache under the eyes of whoever pisses them off that day.' I clamped my lips to keep the smile in. 'Oh, Mor already promised to do that.' 'And what about my eyes?' I swallowed. All right, then. No dancing around it. My heart was pounding so wildly I knew he could hear it. 'I was afraid to paint them.' Rhys faced me fully. 'Why?' No more games, no more banter. 'At first, because I was so mad at you for not telling me. Then because I was worried I'd like them too much and find that you... didn't feel the same. Then because I was scared that if I painted them, I'd start wishing you were here so much that I'd just stare at them all day. And it seemed like a pathetic way to spend my time.' A twitch of his lips. 'Indeed.”

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“I said quietly, 'Why did you make that bargain with me? Why demand a week from me every month?' His violet eyes shuttered. And I didn't dare admit what I expected, but it was not, 'Because I wanted to make a statement to Amarantha; because I wanted to piss off Tamlin, and I needed to keep you alive in a way that wouldn't be seen as merciful.' 'Oh.' His mouth tightened. 'You know- you know there is nothing I wouldn't do for my people, for my family.' And I'd been a pawn in that game.”

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“The boy's smile was a mockery of innocence. 'Are you frightened?' 'Yes,' I said. Never lie- that had been Rhys's first command. The boy stood, but kept to the other side of the cell. 'Feyre,' he murmured, cocking his head. The orb of faelight glazed the inky hair in silver. 'Fay-ruh,' he said again, drawing out the syllables as if he could taste them. At last, he straightened his head. ''Where did you go when you died?' 'A question for a question,' I replied, as I'd been instructed over breakfast. ... Rhys gave me a subtle nod, but his eyes were wary. Because what the boy had asked... I had to calm my breathing to think- to remember. But there was blood and death and pain and screaming- and she was breaking me, killing me so slowly, and Rhys was there, roaring in fury as I died. Tamlin begging for my life on his knees before her throne... But there was so much agony, and I wanted it to be over, wanted it all to stop- Rhys had gone rigid while he monitored the Bone Carver, as if those memories were freely flowing past the mental shields I'd made sure were intact this morning. And I wondered if he thought I'd give up then and there. I bunched my hands into fists. I had lived; I had gotten out. I would get out today. 'I heard the crack,' I said. Rhys's head whipped toward me. 'I heard the crack when she broke my neck. It was in my ears, but also inside my skull. I was gone before I felt anything more than the first lash of pain.' The Bone Carver's violet eyes seemed to glow brighter. 'And then it was dark. A different sort of dark than this place. But there was a... thread,' I said. 'A tether. And I yanked on it- and suddenly I could see. Not through my eyes, but- but his,' I said, inclining my head toward Rhys. I uncurled the finger of my tattooed hand. 'And I knew I was dead, and this tiny scrap was all that was left of me, clinging to the thread of our bargain.' 'But was there anyone there- were you seeing anything beyond?' 'There was only that bond in the darkness.' Rhysand's face had gone pale, his mouth a tight line. 'And when I was Made anew,' I said, 'I followed that bond back- to me. I knew that home was on the other end of it. There was light then. Like swimming up through sparkling wine-' 'Were you afraid?' 'All I wanted was to return to- to the people around me. I wanted it badly enough I didn't have room for fear. The worst had happened and the darkness was calm and quiet. It did not seem like a bad thing to fade into. But I wanted to go home. So I followed the bond home.' 'There was no other world,' the Bone Carver pushed. 'If there was or is, I did not see it.' 'No light, no portal?' Where is it that you want to go? The question almost leaped off my tongue. 'It was only peace and darkness.' 'Did you have a body?' 'No.' 'Did-' 'That's enough from you,' Rhysand purred- the sound like velvet over sharpest steel. 'You said a question for a question. Now you've asked...' He did a tally on his fingers. 'Six.' The Bone Carver leaned back against the wall and slid to a sitting position. 'It is a rare day when I meet someone who comes back from true death. Forgive me for wanting to peer behind the curtain.”

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“There was a choice- in Death,' I said. Those eyes guttered with cobalt fire. Rhys's hand contracted on my back, but remained. Warm, steady. And I wondered if the touch was more to reassure him that I was there, still breathing. 'I knew,' I went on, 'that I could drift away into the dark. And I chose to fight- to hold on for a bit longer. Yet I knew if I wanted, I could have faded. And maybe it would be a new world, a realm of rest and peace. But I wasn't ready for it- not to go there alone. I knew there was something else waiting beyond that dark. Something good.”

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“Sometimes I think Rhysand... I think he might have been her whore to spare us all from her full attention.' I would betray nothing of what I knew. But I suspected her could see it in my eyes- the sorrow at the thought. 'I know I'm supposed to look at you,' Tarquin said, 'and see that he's made you into a pet, into a monster. But I see the kindness in you. And I think that reflects more on him that anything. I think it shows that you and he might have many secrets-”

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“The old woman read, 'I write to you not as a High Lord, but as a male in love with a woman who was once human. I write to you to beg you to act quickly. To save her people- to help save my own. I write to you so one day we might know true peace. So I might one day be able to live in a world where the woman I love may visit her family without fear of hatred and reprisal. A better world.' She set down the letter. Rhys had written that letter weeks ago... before we'd mated. Not a demand for the queens to meet- but a love letter. I reached across the space between us and took his hand, squeezing gently. Rhys's fingers tightened around my own.”

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“You're shivering so hard the bed is shaking,' he said. 'My hair is wet,' I said. It wasn't a lie. Rhys went silent, then the mattress groaned, sinking directly behind me as his warmth poured over me. 'No expectations,' he said. 'Just body heat.' I scowled at the laughter in his voice. But his broad hands slid under and over me: one flattening against my stomach and tugging me against the hard warmth of him, the other sliding under my ribs and arms to band around my chest, pressing his front into me. He tangled his legs with mine, and then a heavier, warmer darkness settled over us, smelling of citrus and sea. I lifted a hand toward that darkness, and met with a soft, silky material- his wing, cocooning and warming me. I traced my finger along it, and he shuddered, his arms tightening around me. 'Your finger... is very cold,' he gritted out, the words hot on my neck. I tried not to smile, even as I tilted my neck a bit more, hoping the heat of his breath might caress it again. I dragged my finger along his wing, the nail scraping gently against the smooth surface. Rhys tensed, his hand splaying across his stomach. 'You cruel, wicked thing,' he purred, his nose grazing the exposed bit of neck I'd arched beneath him. 'Didn't anyone ever teach you manners?' 'I never knew Illyrians were such sensitive babies,' I said, sliding another finger down the inside of his wing.”

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“Greedy,' he murmured, his lips hovering over my neck. 'First you terrorise me with your cold hands, now you want... what is it you want, Feyre?' ... Rhysand's teeth scraped against my neck in a lazy caress. 'What is it you want, Feyre?' He nipped at my earlobe. I cried out a little, arching fully against him, as if I could get that hand to slip exactly where I wanted it. I knew what he wanted me to say. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of it. Not yet. So I said, 'I want a distraction.' It was breathless. 'I want- fun.' His body again tensed behind mine. And I wondered if he somehow didn't see it for the lie it was; if he thought... if he thought that was all I indeed wanted. But his hands resumed their roaming. 'Then allow me the pleasure of distracting you.”

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“Tell me a secret no one knows, Lord of Night, and I'll tell you mine.' I braced myself for whatever horrible truth was about to come my way. But Rhysand said, 'My right knee gets a twinge of pain when it rains. I wrecked it during the War, and it's hurt ever since.' The Bone Carver bit out a harsh laugh, even as I gaped at Rhys. 'You always were my favourite.”

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“Are you all right?' he said as he scooped me into his arms to fly us to another location. I nestled into his warmth, savouring it. 'The fact that it was so easy, that I felt so little, upsets me more than the encounter itself.' Perhaps that had been my problem all along. Why I hadn't dared take that final step at Starfall. I was guilty that I didn't feel awful, not truly. Not for wanting him. A few mighty flaps had us soaring up through the trees and sailing low over the forest, rain slicing into my face. 'I knew things were bad,' Rhysand said with quiet rage, barely audible over the freezing bite of the wind and rain, 'but I thought Lucien, at least, would have stepped in.' 'I thought so, too,' I said, my voice smaller than I intended. He squeezed me gently, and I blinked at him through the rain. For once, his eyes were on me, not the landscape below. 'You look good with wings,' he said, and kissed my brow. Even the rain stopped feeling so cold.”

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“I studied the stars. 'They're not- they're not stars at all.' 'No,' Rhys came up behind me at the rail. 'Our ancestors thought they were, but... They're just spirits, on a yearly migration to somewhere. Why they pick this day to appear here, no one knows.' I felt his eyes upon me, and tore my gaze from the shooting stars. Light and shadow passed over his face. The cheers and music of the city far, far below were barely audible over the crowd gathered at the House. 'There must be hundreds of them,' I managed to say, dragging my stare back to the stars whizzing past. 'Thousands,' he said. 'They'll keep coming until dawn. Or, I hope they will. There were less and less of them the last time I witnessed Starfall.' Before Amarantha had locked him away. 'What's happening to them?' I looked in time to see him shrug. Something twanged in my chest. 'I wish I knew. But they keep coming back despite it.' 'Why?' 'Why does anything cling to something? Maybe they love wherever they're going so much that it's worth it. Maybe they'll keep coming back, until there's only one star left. Maybe that one star will make the trip forever, out of the hope that someday- if it keeps coming back often enough- another star will find it again.' I frowned at the wine in my hand. 'That's... a very sad thought.' 'Indeed.' Rhys rested his forearms on the balcony edge, close enough for my fingers to touch if I dared. A calm, full silence enveloped us. Too many words- I still had too many words in me.”

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“I studied the wings, the arm around my waist. 'Please don't drop me. And please don't-' We shot into the sky, fast as a shooting star. Before my yelp finished echoing, the city had yawned wide beneath us. Rhys's hand slid under my knees while the other wrapped around my back and ribs, and we flapped up, up, up into the star-freckled night, into the liquid dark and singing wind. The city lights dropped away until Velaris was a rippling velvet blanket littered with jewels, until the music no longer reached even our pointed ears. The air was chill, but no wind other than a gentle breeze brushed my face- even as we soared with magnificent precision for the House of Wind. Rhys' body was hard and warm against mine, a solid force of nature crafted and honed for this. Even the smell of him reminded me of the wind- rain and salt and something citrus-y I couldn't name. We swerved into an updraft, rising so fast it was instinct to clutch his black tunic as my stomach clenched. I scowled at the soft laugh that ticked my ear. 'I expected more screaming from you. I must not be trying hard enough.' 'Do not,' I hissed, focusing on the approaching tiara of lights in the eternal wall of the mountain. With the sky wheeling overhead and the lights shooting past below, up and down became mirrors- until we were sailing through a sea of stars. Something tight in my chest eased a fraction of its grip.”

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“It was a small magic, he'd once told me, to keep the damper on who he was, what his power looked like. As the full majesty of him was unleashed, he filled the room, the world, my soul, with glittering ebony power. Stars and wind and shadows; peace and dreams and the honed edge of nightmares. Darkness rippled from him like tendrils of steam as he reached out a hand and laid it flat against the glowing skin of my stomach. The hand of night splayed, the light leaking through the wafting shadows, and I hoisted myself up on my elbows to kiss him. Smoke and mist and dew. I moaned at the taste of him, and he opened his mouth for me, letting me brush my tongue against his, scrape it against his teeth. Everything he was had been laid before me- one final question. I wanted it all.”

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“I avoided his stare, turning for the kitchen. 'You must be hungry, I'll heat something up.' Rhys straightened. 'You'd- make me food?' 'Heat,' I said. 'I can't cook.' It didn't seem to make a difference. But whatever it was, the act of offering him food... I dumped some cold soup into a pan and lit the burner. 'I don't know the rules,' I said, my back to him. 'So you need to explain them to me.' He lingered in the centre of the cabin, watching my every move. He said hoarsely. 'It's an... important moment when a female offers her mate food. It goes back to whatever beasts we were a long, long time ago. But it still matters. The first time matters. Some mated pairs will make an occasion of it- throwing a party just so the female can formally offer her mate food... That's usually done amongst the wealthy. But it means that the female... accepts the bond.' I stared into the soup. 'Tell me the story- tell me everything.' He understood my offer: tell me while I cooked, and I'd decide at the end whether or not to offer him that food.”

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“Rhysand dropped onto the couch beside me at least, loosing a breath. His eyes slid to me. 'If you want to go, then you go, Feyre.' If I hadn't been already in love with him, I might have loved him for that- for not insisting I stay, even if it drove his instincts mad, for not locking me away in the aftermath of what had happened yesterday. And I realised- I realised how badly I'd been treated before, if my standards had become so low. If the freedom I'd been granted felt like a privilege and not an inherent right. Rhys's eyes darkened, and I knew he read what I thought, felt. 'You might be my mate,' he said, 'but you remain your own person. You decide your fate- your choices. Not me. You chose yesterday. You choose every day. Forever.' And maybe he only understood because he, too, had been helpless and without choices, had been forced to do such horrible things, and locked up. I threaded my fingers through his and squeezed. Together- together we'd find our peace, our future. Together we'd fight for it.”

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“I was about to beg Rhys to fly me home when I caught the strands of music pouring from a group of performers outside a restaurant. My hands slackened at my sides. A reduced version of the symphony I'd heard in a chill dungeon, when I had been so lost in terror and despair that I'd hallucinated- hallucinated as this music poured into my cell- and kept me from shattering. And once more, the beauty of it hit me, the layering and swaying, the joy and peace. They had never played a piece like it Under the Mountain- never this sort of music. And I'd never heard music in my cell save for that one time. 'You,' I breathed, not taking my eyes from the musicians playing so skilfully that even the diners had set down their forks in the cafe nearby. 'You sent that music into my cell. Why?' Rhysand's voice was hoarse. 'Because you were breaking. And I couldn't find another way to save you.' The music swelled and built. I'd seen a palace in the sky when I'd hallucinated- a place between sunset and dawn... a house of moonstone pillars. 'I saw the Night Court.' He glanced sidelong at me. 'I didn't send those images to you.' I didn't care. 'Thank you. For everything- for what you did. Then... and now.' 'Even after the Weaver? After this morning with my trap for the Attor?' My nostrils flared. 'You ruin everything.' Rhys grinned, and I didn't notice if people were staring as he slid an arm under my legs, and shot us both into the sky. I could learn to love it. I realised. The flying.”

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“What now?' Wordlessly, he took the soap from my hands and turned me, rubbing down my back, scrubbing lightly with the cloth. 'It's up to you,' Rhys said. 'We can go back to Velaris and have the bond verified by a priestess- no one like Ianthe, I promise- and be declared officially Mated. We could have a small party to celebrate- dinner with our... cohorts. Unless you'd rather have a large party, though I think you and I are in agreement about our aversion for them.' His strong hands kneaded muscles that were tight and aching in my back, and I groaned. 'We could also go before a priestess and be declared husband and wife as well as mates, if you want a more human thing to call me.' 'What will you call me?' 'Mate,' he said. 'Though also calling you my wife sounds mighty appealing, too.' His thumbs massaged the column of my spine. 'Of if you want to wait, we can do none of those things. We're mated, whether it's shouted across the world or not. There's no rush to decide.' I turned, 'I was asking about Jurian, the king, the queens, and the Cauldron, but I'm glad to know I have so many options where our relationship stands. And that you'll do whatever I want. I must have you wrapped completely around my finger.' His eyes danced with feline amusement. 'Cruel, beautiful thing.' I snorted. The idea that he found me beautiful at all- 'You are,' he said. 'You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I thought that from the first moment I saw you on Calanmai.'' And it was stupid, stupid for beauty to mean anything at all, but... My eyes burned. 'Which is good,' he added, 'because you thought I was the most beautiful make you'd ever seen. So it makes us even.”

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“I twisted, studying his face. There was nothing warm in his eyes, nothing of the friend I'd made. I opened my shield enough to let him in. What? His voice floated into my mind. I reached down the bond between us, caressing the wall of ebony adamant. A small sliver cracked- just for me. And I said into it, You are good, Rhys. You are kind. This mask does not scare me. I see you beneath it. His hands tightened on me, and his eyes held mine as he leaned forward to brush his mouth against my cheek. It was answer enough- and... an unleashing.”

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“The wave vanished. Sunlight. A crunch of boots before me, the heat and whisper of mighty wings. A hand on my face, tilting up my chin as I stared and stared at the splattered ruin of the Attor. Violet eyes met mine. Rhys. Rhys was here. And... and I had... He leaned forward, his brow sweat-coated, his breathing uneven. He gently pressed a kiss to my mouth. To remind us both. Who we were, what we were. My icy heart thawed, the fire in my gut was soothed by a tendril of dark, and the water trickled out of my veins and back into the Sidra. Rhys pulled back, his thumb stroking my cheek. People were weeping. Keening. But no more screams of terror. No more bloodshed and destruction. My mate murmured, 'Feyre Cursebreaker, the Defender of the Rainbow.' I slid my arms around his waist and sobbed. And even as his city wailed, the High Lord of the Night Court held me until I could at last face this blood-drenched new world.”

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“Rhys didn't dare break from his mask, but the light kiss he pressed beneath my ear told me enough. Apology and gratitude- and more apologies. He didn't like this any more than I did. And yet to get what we needed, to buy Azriel time... He'd do it. And so would I. I wondered then, with his hands beneath my breasts and between my legs, what Rhys wouldn't give of himself. Wondered if... if perhaps the arrogance and swagger... if they masked a male who perhaps thought he wasn't worth very much at all.”

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“Rhys said softly from behind me, 'I would be happy beyond reason, though, if you one day did honour me with children. To share that with you.' I turned back to him. 'I want to live first,' I said. 'With you. I want to see things and have adventures. I want to learn what it is to be immortal, to be your mate, to be part of your family. I want to be... ready for them. And I selfishly want to have you all to myself for a while.' His smile was gentle, sweet. 'You take all the time you need. And if I get you all to myself for the rest of eternity, then I won't mind that at all.”

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“If I am a High Lord's mate, I'm expected to bear you offspring, aren't I? So perhaps I shouldn't.' 'You are not expected to bear me anything,' he snarled. 'Children are rare, yes. So rare, and so precious. But I don't want you to have them unless you want to- unless we both want to. And right now, with this war coming, with Hybern... I'll admit that I'm terrified at the thought of my mate being pregnant with so many enemies around us. I'm terrified of what I might do if you're pregnant and threatened. Or harmed.”

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“Mercifully, Rhys was half-awake, the layers I'd thrown on him now scattered across the blanket, and he gave me a strained smile as I entered. I chucked the weed at him, showering his bare chest with soil. 'Chew on that.' He blinked blearily at me. Mate. But he obeyed, frowning at the plant before he plucked off a few leaves and started chewing. He grimaced as he swallowed. I tore off my jacket, shoved up my sleeve, and strode to him. He'd known, and kept it from me. Had the others known? Had they guessed? He'd- he'd promised not to lie, not to keep things from me. And this- the most important thing in my immortal existence... I drew a dagger across my forearm, the cut long and deep, and dropped to my knees before him. I didn't feel the pain. 'Drink this. Now.' Rhys blinked again, brows raising, but I didn't give him the chance to object before I gripped the back of his head, lifted my arm to his mouth, and shoved him against my skin. He paused as my blood touched his lips. Then his mouth opened wider, his tongue brushing my arm as he sucked in my blood. One mouthful. Two. Three. I yanked back my arm, the wound already healing, and shoved down my sleeve.”

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“Tamlin won't allow it.' 'Tamlin isn't your keeper, and you know it.' 'I'm his subject, and he is my High Lord...' 'You are no one's subject.' I went rigid at the flash of teeth, the smoke-like wings that flared out. 'I will say this once- and only once,' Rhysand purred, stalking to the map on the wall. 'You can be a pawn, be someone's reward, and spend the rest of your immortal life bowing and scraping and pretending you're less than him, than Ianthe, than any of us. If you want to pick that road, then fine. A shame, but it's your choice.' The shadow of wings rippled again. 'But I know you- more than you realise, I think- and I don't believe for one damn minute that you're remotely fine with being a pretty trophy for someone who sat on his ass for nearly fifty years, then set on his ass while you were shredded apart-' 'Stop it-' 'Or,' he plowed ahead, 'you've got another choice. You can master whatever powers we gave you, and make it count. You can play a role in this war. Because war is coming one way or another.' ... 'Think it over. Take the week. Ask Tamlin, if it'll make you sleep better. See what charming Ianthe says about it. But it's your choice to make- no one else's.”

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“We can use your room if you like, but...' He was leaning against his open bedroom door. 'Either your room or mine- but we're sharing one from now on. Just tell me whether I should move myh clothes or yours. If that's all right with you.' 'Don't you- you don't want your own space?' 'No,' he said baldly. 'Unless you do. I need you protecting me from our enemies with your water wolves.' I snorted. He'd made me tell him that part of my tale over and over. I jerked my chin toward his bedroom. 'Your bed is bigger.' And that was that. I walked in to find my clothes already there, a second armoire now beside his. I stared at all the open space around us.”

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“You needed not to be alone. But what about him? Fifty years he'd been separated from his friends, his family... I said, 'You let Amarantha and the entire world think you rule and delight in a Court of Nightmares. It's all a front- to keep what matters most safe.' The city lights gilded his face. 'I love my people, and my family. Do not think I wouldn't become a monster to keep them protected.' 'You already did that Under the Mountain.' The words were out before I could stop them. The wind rustled his hair. 'And I suspect I'll have to do it again soon enough.' 'What was the cost?' I dared ask. 'Of keeping this place secret and free?' He shot straight down, wings beating to keep us smooth as we landed on the roof of the town house. I made to step away, but he gripped my chin. 'You know the cost already.' Amarantha's whore.”

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“When she tricked me out of my powers and left the scraps, it was still more than the others. And I decided to use it to tap into the minds of every Night Court citizen she'd captured, and anyone who might know the truth. I made a web between all of them, actively controlling their minds every second of every day, every decade, to forget about Velaris, to forget about Mor, and Amren, and Cassian, and Azriel. Amarantha wanted to know who was close to me- who to kill and torture. But my true court was here, ruling this city and the others. And I used the remainder of my powers to shield them all from sight and sound. I had only enough for one city, one place. I chose the one that had been hidden from history already. I chose, and now must live with the consequences of knowing there were more left outside who suffered. But for those here.... anyone flying or travelling near Velaris would see nothing but barren rock, and if they tried to walk through it, they'd find themselves suddenly deciding otherwise. Sea travel and merchant trading were halted- sailors became farmers, working the earth around Velaris instead. And because my powers were focused on shielding them all, Feyre, I had very little to use against Amarantha. So I decided that to keep her from asking questions about the people who mattered, I would be her whore.' He'd done all of that, had done such horrible things... done everything for his people, his friends. And the only piece of himself that he'd hidden and managed to keep her from tainting, destroying, even if it meant fifty years trapped in a cage of rock....'' Those wings now flared wide. How many knew about those wings outside of Velaris or the Illyrian war-camps? Or had he wiped all memory of them from Prythian long before Amarantha? Rhys released my chin. But as he lowered his hand, i gripped his wrist, feeling the solid strength. 'It's a shame,' I said, the words nearly gobbled up by the sound of the city music. 'That others in Prythian don't know. A shame that you let them think the worst.' He took a step back, his wings beating the air like mighty drums. 'As long as the people who matter most know the truth, I don't care about the rest. Get some sleep.' Then he shot into the sky, and was swallowed by the darkness between the stars.”

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“My knuckles brushed one of his wings- smooth and cool like silk, but hard as stone with it stretched taut. Fascinating, I blindly reached again... and dared to run a fingertip along some inner edge. Rhysand shuddered, a soft groan slipping past my ear. 'That,' he said tightly, 'is very sensitive.' I snatched my finger back, pulling away far enough to see his face. With the wind, I had to squint, and my braided hair ripped this way and that, but- he was entirely focused on the mountains around us. 'Does it tickle?' He flicked his gaze to me, then to the snow and pine that went on forever. 'It feels like this,' he said, and leaned in so close that his lips brushed the shell of my ear as he sent a gentle breath into it. My back arched on instinct, my chin tipping up at the caress of that breath. 'Oh,' I managed to say, I felt him smile against my ear and pull away. 'If you want an Illyrian male's attention, you'd be better off grabbing him by the balls. We're trained to protect our wings at all costs. Some males attack first, ask questions later, if their wings are touched without invitation.' 'And during sex?' The question blurted out. Rhys's face was nothing but feline amusement as he monitored the mountains. 'During sex, an Illyrian male can find completion just by having someone touch his wings in the right spot.' My blood thrummed. Dangerous territory; more lethal than the drop below. 'Have you found that to be true?' His eyes stripped me bare. 'I've never allowed anyone to see or touch my wings during sex. It makes you vulnerable in a way that I'm not... comfortable with.' 'Too bad,' I said, staring out too casually toward the mighty mountain that now appeared on the horizon, towering over the others. And capped, I noted, with that glimmering palace of moonstone. 'Why?' he asked warily. I shrugged, fighting the upward tugging of my lips. 'Because I bet you could get into some interesting positions with those wings.' Rhys loosed a barking laugh, and his nose grazed my ear. I felt him open his mouth to whisper something, but- Something dark and fast and sleek shot for us, and he plunged down and away, swearing.”

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“Cassian tried to convince me last night not to take you. I thought he might even punch me.' 'Why?' I barely knew him. 'Who knows? With Cassian, he's probably more interested in fucking you than protecting you.' 'You're a pig.' 'You could, you know,' Rhys said, holding up the branch of a scrawny beech for me to slip under. 'If you needed to move on in a physical sense, I'm sure Cassian would be more than happy to oblige.' It felt like a test in itself. And it pissed me off enough that I crooned, 'Then tell him to come to my room tonight.' 'If you survive this test.' I paused atop a little lichen-crusted rock. 'You seem pleased by the idea that I won't.' 'Quite the opposite, Feyre.' He prowled to where I stood on the stone. I was almost eye level with him. The forest went even quieter- the trees seeming to lean closer, as if to catch every word. 'I'll let Cassian know you're... open to his advances.' 'Good,' I said.”

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“I knew he and Tamlin were different. Knew that Rhysand's protective anger tonight had been justified, that I would have had a similar reaction. I'd been bloodthirsty at the barest details of Mor's suffering, had wanted to punish them for it. I had known the risks. I had known I'd be sitting in his lap, touching him, using him. I'd been using him for a while now. And maybe I should tell him I didn't... I didn't want or expect anything from him. Maybe Rhysand needed to flirt with me, taunt me, as much for a distraction and sense of normalcy as I did. And maybe I'd said what I had to him because... because I'd realised that I might very well be the person who wouldn't let anyone in. And tonight, when he'd recoiled after he'd seen how he affected me... It had crumpled something in my chest. I had been jealous- of Cresseida. I had been so profoundly unhappy on that barge because I'd wanted to be the one he smiled at like that. And I knew it was wrong, but... I did not think Rhys would call me a whore if I wanted it- wanted... him. No matter how soon it was after Tamlin. Neither would his friends. Not when they had been called the same and worse. And learned to live- and love- beyond it. Despite it. So maybe it was time to tell Rhys that. To explain that I didn't want to pretend. I didn't want to write it off as a joke, or a plan, or a distraction. And it'd be hard, and I was scared and might be difficult to deal with, but... I was willing to try- with him. To try to... be something. Together. Whether it was purely sex, or more, or something between or beyond them, I didn't know. We'd find out. I was healed- or healing- enough to want to try. If he was willing to try, too. If he didn't walk away when I voiced what I wanted: him. Not the High Lord, not the most powerful male in Prythian's history. Just him. The person who had sent music into that cell; who had picked up that knife in Amarantha's throne room to fight for me when no one else dared, and who had kept fighting for me every day since, refusing to let me crumble and disappear into nothing. So I waited for him in the chilled, moonlit garden. But he didn't come.”

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