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A Court of Mist and Fury

Book by Sarah J. Maas · 50 quotes · Feyre, A Court Of Mist And Fury, Sarah J Maas

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“Nesta took a breath. And when I beheld my sister, with her somehow magnified beauty, her ears... When Nesta looked at me... Rage. Power. Cunning. Then it was gone, horror and shock crumpling her face, but she didn't pause, didn't halt. She was free- she was loose. She was on her feet, tripping over her slightly longer, leaner limbs, ripping the gag from her mouth- Nesta slammed into Lucien, grabbing Elain from his arms, and screamed at him as he fell back, 'Get off her!' Elain's feet slipped against the floor, but Nesta gripped her upright, running her hands over Elain's face, her shoulders, her hair- 'Elain, Elain, Elain,' she sobbed. Cassian again stirred- trying to rise, to answer Nesta's voice as she held my sister and cried her name again and again.”

“Cassian's focus had gone right to Mor, Azriel indulging in all of a glance before scanning the people around them. Most shirked from the spymaster's eyes- though they trembled as they beheld Truth-Teller at his side, the Illyrian blade peeking above his left shoulder. Azriel, his face a mask of beautiful death, silently promised them all endless, unyielding torment, even the shadows shuddering in his wake. I knew why; knew for whom he'd gladly do it. They had tried to sell a seventeen-year-old girl into marriage with a sadist- and then brutalised her in ways I couldn't, wouldn't, let myself consider. And these people now lived in utter terror of the three companions who stood at the dais. Good. They should be afraid of them. Afraid of me.”

“I took a step toward Tamlin. 'What have you done?' The King of Hybern said from his throne, 'We made a bargain. I give you over, and he agrees to let my forces enter Prythian through his territory. And then use it as a base as we remove that ridiculous wall.' I shook my head. Lucien refused to meet the pleading stare I threw his way. 'You're insane,' Cassian hissed. Tamlin held out a hand. 'Feyre.' And order- like I was no better than a summoned dog. I made no movement. I had to get free, had to get that damn power free. 'You,' the king said, pointing a thick finger at me, 'are a very difficult female to get ahold of. Of course, we've also agreed that you'll work for me once you've been returned home to your husband, but... Is it husband-to-be, or husband? I can't remember.' Lucien glanced between us all, face paling. 'Tamlin,' he murmured. But Tamlin didn't lower the hand stretched toward me. 'I'm taking you home.' I backed up a step- toward where Rhysand still held Azriel with Cassian.”

“Cassian tried to convince me last night not to take you. I thought he might even punch me.' 'Why?' I barely knew him. 'Who knows? With Cassian, he's probably more interested in fucking you than protecting you.' 'You're a pig.' 'You could, you know,' Rhys said, holding up the branch of a scrawny beech for me to slip under. 'If you needed to move on in a physical sense, I'm sure Cassian would be more than happy to oblige.' It felt like a test in itself. And it pissed me off enough that I crooned, 'Then tell him to come to my room tonight.' 'If you survive this test.' I paused atop a little lichen-crusted rock. 'You seem pleased by the idea that I won't.' 'Quite the opposite, Feyre.' He prowled to where I stood on the stone. I was almost eye level with him. The forest went even quieter- the trees seeming to lean closer, as if to catch every word. 'I'll let Cassian know you're... open to his advances.' 'Good,' I said.”

“No one warming your bed right now, Cassian? It must be so hard to be an Illyrian and have no thoughts in your head save for those about your favourite part.' 'You know I'm always happy to tangle in the sheets with you, Amren,' Cassian said, utterly unfazed by the silver eyes, the power radiating from her every pore. 'I know how much you enjoy Illyrian-”

“Lucien had been prepared to take me against my will. Fae males were territorial, dominant, arrogant—but the ones in the Spring Court … something had festered in their training. Because I knew—deep in my bones—that Cassian might push and test my limits, but the moment I said no, he’d back off. And I knew that if … that if I had been wasting away and Rhys had done nothing to stop it, Cassian or Azriel would have pulled me out. They would have taken me somewhere—wherever I needed to be—and dealt with Rhys later. But Rhys … Rhys would never have not seen what was happening to me; would never have been so misguided and arrogant and self-absorbed. He’d known what Ianthe was from the moment he met her. And he’d understood what it was like to be a prisoner, and helpless, and to struggle—every day—with the horrors of both.”

“The sun had barely set as Rhys and I walked hand in hand into the dining room of the House of Wind, and found Mor, Azriel, Amren, and Cassian already seated. Waiting for us. At one, they stood. At one, they looked at me. And as one, they bowed. It was Amren who said, 'We will serve and protect.' They each placed a hand over their heart. Waiting- for my reply. Rhys hadn't warned me, and I wondered if the words were supposed to come from my heart, spoken without agenda or guile. So I voiced them. 'Thank you,' I said, willing my voice to be steady. 'But I'd rather you were my friends before the serving and protecting.' Mor said with a wink, 'We are. But we will serve and protect.' My face warmed, and I smiled at them. My- family.”

“I'd written to Rhys, How do I tell Cassian and Azriel I don't need them here to protect me? Company is fine, but I don't need sentries. He'd written back, You don't tell them. You set boundaries if they cross a line, but you are their friend- and my mate. They will protect you on instinct. If you kick their asses out of the house, they'll just sit on the roof. I scribbled, You Illyrian males are insufferable. Rhys had just said, Good thing we make up for it with impressive wingspans.”

“Inside the Cauldron was nothing but inky, swirling black. Perhaps the entire universe had come from it. Azriel and Cassian tensed as I laid a hand on the lip. Pain- pain and ecstacy and power and weakness flowed into me. Everything that was and wasn't, fire and ice, light and dark, deluge and drought. The map for creation.”

“Rhysand opened his mouth, but then the silhouettes of two tall, powerful bodies appeared on the other side of the front door's fogged glass. One of them banged on it with a fist. 'Hurry up, you lazy ass,' a deep male voice drawled from the antechamber beyond. Exhaustion drugged me so heavily that I didn't particularly care that there were wings peeking over thier two shadowy forms. Rhys didn't so much as blink toward the door. 'Two things, Feyre darling.' The pounding continued, followed by the second male murmuring to his companion, 'If you're going to pick a fight with him, do it after breakfast.' That voice- like shadows given form, dark and smooth and... cold. 'I wasn't the one who hauled me out of bed just now to fly down here,' the first one said. Then added, 'Busybody.' I could have sworn a smile tugged on Rhys's lips as he went on, 'One, no one- no one- but Mor and I are able to winnow directly inside this house. it is warded, shielded, and then warded some more. Only those I wish- and you wish- may enter. You are safe here; and safe anywhere in this city, for that matter. Velaris's walls are well protected and have not been breached in five thousand years. No one with ill intent enters this city unless I allow it. So go where you wish, do what you wish, and see who you wish. Those two in the antechamber,' he added, eyes sparkling, 'might not be on that list of people you should bother knowing, if they keep banging on the door like children.' Another pound, emphasised by the first male voice saying, 'You know we can hear you, prick.' 'Secondly,' Rhys went on, 'in regard to the two bastards at my door, it's up to you whether you want to meet them now, or head upstairs like a wise person, take a nap since you're still looking a little peaky, and then change into city-appropriate clothing while I beat the hell out of one of them for talking to his High Lord like that.' There was such light in his eyes. It made him look... younger, somehow. More mortal. So at odds with the icy rage I'd seen earlier when I'd awoken... Awoken on that couch, and then decided I wasn't returning home. Decided that, perhaps, the Spring Court might not be my home.”

“If you're the most powerful High Lord in history... does that mean the drop I got from you holds more sway over the others?' Why I'd been able to break into his head that one time? 'Give it a try.' He jerked his chin toward me. 'See if you can summon darkness. I won't ask you to try to winnow,' he added with a grin. 'I don't know how I did it to begin with.' 'Will it into being.' I gave him a flat stare. He shrugged. 'Try thinking of me- how good-looking I am. How talented-' 'How arrogant.' 'That, too.' He crossed his arms over his bare chest, the movement making the muscles in his stomach flicker. 'Put a shirt on while you're at it,' I quipped. A feline smile. 'Does it make you uncomfortable?' 'I'm surprised there aren't more mirrors in this house, since you seem to love looking at yourself so much.' Azriel launched into a coughing fit. Cassian just turned away, a hand clamped over his mouth. Rhys's lips twitched. 'There's the Feyre I adore.”

“First Cassian and Azriel appeared in the doorway. The High Lord's general and shadowsinger- and the most powerful Illyrians in history. They were not the males I had come to know. Clad in battle-black that hugged their muscled forms, their armour was intricate, scaled- their shoulders impossibly broader, their faces a portrait of unfeeling brutality. They reminded me, somehow, of the ebony beasts carved into the pillars they passed. More siphons, I realised, glimmered in addition to the ones atop each of their hands. A Siphon in the centre of their chest. One on either shoulder. One on either knee. For a moment, my knees quaked, and I understood what the camplords had feared in them. If one Siphon was what most Illyrians needed to handle their killing power... Cassian and Azriel had seven each. Seven. The courtiers had the good sense to back away a step as Cassian and Azriel strolled through the crowd, toward the dais. Their wings gleamed, the talons at the apex sharp enough to pierce air- like they'd honed them.”

“Cassian nudged his bastard-brother-whatever out of the way, Azriel's mighty wings flaring slightly as he balanced himself. 'How the hell did you make that bone ladder in the Middengard Wyrm's lair when you look like your own bones can snap at any moment?' ... I met Cassian's gaze, if only because having Rhysand defend me might very well make me crumble a bit more. And maybe it made me as mean as an adder, maybe I relished being one, but I said, 'How the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?' Cassian tipped back his head and laughed, a full, rich sound that bounced off the ruddy stones of the House.”

“And there were Mor and Azriel- and Cassian. The three of them dancing together, Mor's head tipped back to the sky, arms up, the starlight gleaming on the pure white of her gown. Dancing as if it might be her last time, flowing between Azriel and Cassian like the three of them were one unit, one being. I looked behind me to find Rhys watching them, his face soft. Sad. Separated for fifty years, and reunited- only to be cleaved apart so soon to fight again for their freedom. Rhys caught my gaze and said, 'Come. There's a better view. Quieter.' He held a hand out to me.' That sorrow, the weight, lingered in his eyes. And I couldn't bear to see it- just as I couldn't bear to see my three friends dancing together as if it was the last time they'd ever do it.”

“I'd sent that note to Tamlin... and he'd chosen to ignore it. Just as he'd ignored or rejected nearly all of my requests, acted out of his deluded sense of what he believed was right for my well-being and safety. And Lucien had been prepared to take me against my will. Fae males were territorial, dominant, arrogant- but the ones in the Spring Court... something had festered in their training. Because I knew- deep in my bones- that Cassian might push and test my limits, but the moment I said no, he'd back off. And I knew that if... that if I had been wasting away and Rhys had done nothing to stop it, Cassian or Azriel would have pulled me out. They would have taken me somewhere- wherever I needed to be- and dealt with Rhys later. But Rhys... Rhys would never have not seen what was happening to me, would never have been so misguided and arrogant and self-absorbed. He'd know what Ianthe was from the moment he'd met her. And he'd understood what it was like to be a prisoner, and helpless, and to struggle- every day- with the horrors of both. I had loved the High Lord who had shown me the comforts and wonders of Prythian; I had loved the High Lord who let me have the time and food and safety to paint. Maybe a small part of me might always care for him, but... Amarantha had broken us both. Or broken me so that who he was and what I now was no longer fit. And I could let that go. I could accept that. Maybe it would be hard for a while, but... maybe it'd get better.”

“You told me about the time with Cassian, but did you and Azriel ever...?' A sharp laugh. 'No. Azriel? After that time with Cassian, I swore off any of Rhys's friends. Azriel's got no shortage of lovers, though, don't worry. He's better at keeping them secret than we are, but... he has them.' 'So if he were ever interested would you...?' The issue, actually, wouldn't be me. It'd be him. I could peel off my clothes right in front of him and he wouldn't move an inch. He might have defied and proved those Illyrian pricks wrong at every turn, but it won't matter if Rhys makes him Prince of Velaris- he'll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me.' 'But... are you interested?' 'Why are you asking me such things?' Her voice became tight, sharp. More wary than I'd ever heard. 'I'm still trying to figure out how you all work together.' A snort, that wariness gone. I tried not to look too relieved. 'We have five centuries of tangled history for you to sort through. Good luck.”

“Nesta fought every step of the way. She did not make it easy for them. She clawed and kicked and bucked. And it was not enough. And we were not enough to save her. I watched as she was hoisted up. Elain remained shuddering on the ground. Lucien's coat draped around her. She did not look at the Cauldron. Cassian stirred again, his shredded wings twitching and spraying blood, his muscles quivering. At Nesta's shouts, her raging, his eyes fluttered open, glazed and unseeing, an answer to some call in his blood, a promise he'd made her. But pain knocked him under again. Nesta was shoved into the water up to her shoulders. She bucked even as the water sprayed. She clawed and screamed her rage, her defiance. 'Put her under,' the king hissed. The guards straining, shoved her slender shoulders. Her brown-gold head. And as they pushed her head down, she thrashed one last time, freeing her long, pale arm Teeth bared, Nesta pointed one finger at the King of Hybern. One finger, a curse and a damning. A promise. And as Nesta's head was forced under the water, as that hand was violently shoved down, the King of Hybern had the good sense to look somewhat unnerved.”

“I think I fell in love with you,' Rhys murmured, stroking a finger down my arm, 'the moment I realised you were cleaving those bones to make a trap for the Middengard Wyrm. Or maybe the moment you flipped me off for mocking you. It reminded me so much of Cassian. For the first time in decades, I wanted to laugh.' 'You fell in love with me,' I said flatly, 'because I reminded you of your friend?' He flicked my nose. 'I fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us- because you weren't afraid of me, and you decided to end your spectacular victory by throwing that piece of bone at Amarantha like a javelin. I felt Cassian's spirit beside me in that moment, and could have sworn I heard him say, "if you don't marry her, you stupid prick, I will.”

“But then Cassian crossed to Nesta, the guards stiffening as the Illyrian moved through them as if they were stalks of wheat in a field. He studied Nesta for a long moment. She was still glaring at the queens, her eyes lined with tears- tears of rage and despair, from the fire that burned her so violently from within. When she finally noticed Cassian, she looked up at him. His voice was rough as he said, 'Five hundred years ago, I fought on battlefields not far from this house. I fought beside human and faerie alike, bled beside them. I will stand on that battlefield again, Nesta Archeron, to protect this house- your people. I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it most.' I watched a tear slide down Nesta's cheek. And I watched as Cassian reached up a hand to wipe it away. She did not flinch from his touch. I didn't know why, but I looked at Mor. Her eyes were wide. Not from jealously, or irritation, but... something perhaps like awe.”

“And maybe I was exhausted and broken, but I breathed, 'I killed them.' I hadn't said the words aloud since it had happened. Cassian's lips tightened. 'I know.' Not condemnation, not praise. But grim understanding. My hands slackened as another shuddering sob worked its way through me. 'It should have been me.' And there it was. Standing there under the cloudless sky, the winter sun beating on my head, nothing around me save for rock, no shadows in which to hide, nothing to cling to... There it was. Then darkness swept in, soothing, gentle darkness- no, shade- and a sweat-slicked male body halted before me. Gentle fingers lifted my chin until I looked up... at Rhysand's face. His wings had wrapped around us, cocooned us, the sunlight casting the membrane in gold and red. Beyond us, outside, in another world, maybe, the sound of steel on steel- Cassian and Azriel sparring- began. 'You will feel that way every day for the rest of your life,' Rhysand said. This close, I could smell the sweat on him the sea-and-citrus sent beneath it. His eyes were soft. I tried to look away, but he held my chin firm. 'And I know this because I have felt that way every day since my mother and sister were slaughtered and I had to bury them myself, and even retribution didn't fix it.' He wiped away the tears on one cheek, then another. 'You can either let it wreck you, let it get you killed like it nearly did with the Weaver, or you can learn to live with it.' For a long moment, I just stared at the open, calm face- maybe his true face, the one beneath all the masks he wore to keep his people safe. 'I'm sorry- about your family,' I rasped. 'I'm sorry I didn't find a way to spare you from what happened Under the Mountain,' Rhys said with equal quiet. 'From dying. From wanting to die.' I began to shake my head, but he said, 'I have two kinds of nightmares: the one when I'm again Amarantha's whore or my friends are... And the ones where I hear your neck snap and see the light leave your eyes.' I had no answer to that- to the tenor in his rich, deep voice. So I examined the tattoos on his chest and arms, the glow of his tan skin, so golden now that he was no longer caged inside that mountain. I stopped my perusal when I got to the vee of muscles that flowed beneath the waist of his leather pants.”

“If you've moved elsewhere, I wrote after getting home from Amren's apartment, you could have at least given me the keys to this house. I keep leaving the door unlocked when I go out. It's getting to be too tempting for the neighbourhood burglars. No response. The letter didn't even vanish. I tried again after breakfast the next day- the morning of Starfall. Cassian says you're sulking in The House of Wind. What un-High-Lord-like behaviour. What of my training. Again, no reply. My guilt and- and whatever else it was- started to shift. I could barely keep from shredding the paper as I wrote my third one after lunch. Is this punishment? Or do people in your Inner Circle not get second chances if they piss you off? You're a hateful coward.”

“I've had lovers,' Mor clarified, 'but... I get bored. And Cassian has had them, too, so don't get that unrequited-love, moony-woo-woo look. He just wants what he can't have, and it's irritated him for centuries that I walked away and never looked back.' 'Oh, it drives him insane,' Rhys said from behind me, and I jumped. But the High Lord was circling me. I crossed my arms as he paused and smirked. 'You look like a woman again.' 'You really know how to compliment females, cousin,' Mor said, and patted him on the shoulder.”

“Cassian was sizing up Nesta, a gleam in his eyes that I could only interpret as a warrior finding himself faced with a new, interesting opponent. Then, Mother above, Nesta shifted her attention to Cassian, noticing that gleam- what it meant. She snarled softly. 'What are you looking at?' Cassian's brows rose- little amusement to be found now. 'Someone who let her younger sister risk her life every day in the woods while she did nothing. Someone who let a fourteen-year-old child go out into that forest, so close to the wall.' My face began heating, and I opened my mouth. To say what, I don't know. 'Your sister died- died to save my people. She is willing to do so again to protect you from war. So don't expect me to sit here with my mouth shut while you sneer at her for a choice she did not get to make- and insult my people in the process.' Nesta didn't bat an eyelash as she studied the handsome features, the muscled torso. Then turned to me. Dismissing him entirely. Cassian's face went almost feral. A wolf who had been circling a doe... only to find a mountain cat wearing its hide instead.”

“When are you going to talk about how you wrote a letter to Tamlin, telling him you've left for good?' The question hit me so viciously that I sniped, 'How about when you talk about how you tease and taunt Mor to hide whatever it is you feel for her?' Because I had no doubt that he was well aware of the role he played in their little tangled web. ... Cassian let out a startled, rough laugh. 'Old news.' 'I have a feeling that's what she probably says about you.' ... But the question he'd asked swarmed in my skull. You've left for good, you've left for good, you've left for good. I had- I'd meant it. But without knowing what he thought, if he'd even care that much... No, I knew he'd care. He'd probably trashed the manor in his rage. If my mere mention of him suffocating me had caused him to destroy his study, then this... I had been frightened by those fits of pure rage, cowed by them. And it had been love- I had loved him so deeply, so greatly, but...”

“Nesta is a delight, by the way.' 'She's... her own creature,' I said. It was perhaps the kindest thing I could say about her. 'It's been a few centuries since someone got under Cassian's skin that easily. 'Too bad they're both inclined to kill the other.' Part of me shuddered at the havoc the two would wreak if they decided to stop fighting.”

“I didn't see you Under the Mountain,' I said instead. I had to know without a doubt- if they were there, if they'd seen me, if it'd impact howI interacted while working with- Silence fell. None of them, even Amren, looked at Rhysand. It was Mor who said, 'Because none of us were.' Rhys's face was a mask of cold. 'Amarantha didn't know they existed. And when someone tried to tell her, they usually found themselves without the mind to do so.' A shudder went down my spine. Not at the cold killer, but- but... 'You truly kept this city, and all these people, hidden from her for fifty years?' Cassian was staring at his plate, as if he might burst out of his skin. Amren said, 'We will continue to keep this city and these people hidden from our enemies for a great many more.' Not an answer. Rhys hadn't expected to see them again when he'd been dragged Under the Mountain. Yet he had kept them safe, somehow. And it killed them- the four people at this table. It killed them all that he'd done it, however he'd done it. Even Amren. Perhaps not only for the fact that Rhys had endured Amarantha while they had been here. Perhaps it was also for those left outside of the city, too. Perhaps picking one city, one place, to shield was better than nothing. Perhaps... perhaps it was a comforting thing, to have a spot in Prythian that remained untouched. Unsullied.”

“What's your story, then?' Cassian said to me with a jerk of his chin. I'd assumed Rhysand had told them everything. Rhys merely shrugged at me. So I straightened. 'I was born to a wealthy merchant family, with two older sisters and parents who only cared about their money and social standing. My mother died when I was eight; my father lost his fortune three years later. He sold everything to pay off his debts, moved us into a hovel, and didn't bother to find work while he let us slowly starve for years. I was fourteen when the last of the money ran out, along with the food. He wouldn't work- couldn't, because the debtors came and shattered his leg in front of us. So I went into the forest and taught myself to hunt. And I kept us all alive, if not near starvation at times, for five years. Until... everything happened.”

“...once my mother weaned me and I was able to walk, they flew me to a distant camp, and chucked me into the mud to see if I would live or die.' 'They would have been smarter throwing you off a cliff,' Mor said, snorting.' 'Oh definitely,' Cassian, said, that grin going razor-sharp. 'Especially because when I was old and strong enough to go back to the camp I'd been born in, I learned those pricks worked my mother until she died.' Again, that silence fell- different this time. The tension and simmering anger of a unit who had endured so much, survived so much... and felt each other's pain keenly.”

“Is that so hard to believe? My mother claimed I was so withdrawn and strange because I was born on the longest night of the year. She tried one year to have my birthday on another day, but forgot to do it the next time—there was probably a more advantageous party she had to plan.” “Now I know where Nesta gets it. Honestly, it’s a shame we can’t stay longer—if only to see who’ll be left standing: her or Cassian.” “My money’s on Nesta.” A soft chuckle that snaked along my bones—a reminder that he’d once bet on me. Had been the only one Under the Mountain who had put money on me defeating the Middengard Wyrm. He said, “So’s mine.”

“He chuckled, the sound bouncing off the gray stones strewn across the forest floor like scattered marbles. “Cassian tried to convince me last night not to take you. I thought he might even punch me.” “Why?” I barely knew him. “Who knows? With Cassian, he’s probably more interested in fucking you than protecting you.” “You’re a pig.” “You could, you know,” Rhys said, holding up the branch of a scrawny beech for me to slip under. “If you needed to move on in a physical sense, I’m sure Cassian would be more than happy to oblige.” It felt like a test in itself. And it pissed me off enough that I crooned, “Then tell him to come to my room tonight.”

“Now that we've settled that,' Rhys drawled from behind me, 'can we please eat? I'm famished.' Amren opened her mouth with a wry smile, but he added, 'Do not say what you were going to say, Amren.' Rhys gave Cassian a sharp look. Both of them were still bruised- but healing fast. 'Unless you want to have it out on the roof.”