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Victoria Secunda Quotes

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Famous Victoria Secunda Quotes

“If it is your fault that your mother is miserable, it becomes a potentially fixable affront. Taking blame means that at least the hope of love is still there-all you have to do is deserve it.”

ChildhoodParentsChild AbuseMothers And DaughtersChildhood TraumaNarcissistic AbuseScapegoatInferiority ComplexMother Daughter RelationshipAttachment Trauma
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“Many daughters live out their lives avoiding or abiding or arguing with their mothers-burying the long-ago injury or insult or childhood deprivation under a blanket of forgetfulness-and not confronting it head-on. It's humiliating to remember the ways in which one demeaned oneself in order to prevent being in a mother's bad graces, the willingness to do anything in order to not be rejected, when rejection felt like death.”

ChildhoodParentsRejectionChild AbuseMothers And DaughtersChildhood TraumaScapegoatInferiority ComplexMother Daughter RelationshipAttachment Trauma
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“Another reason it's dangerous to acknowledge that you were unloved is that it implies the possibility that your mother may have been right-you are unlovable.”

ChildhoodParentsChild AbuseMothers And DaughtersChildhood TraumaScapegoatInferiority ComplexMother Daughter RelationshipEmotional NeglectAttachment Trauma
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“If your mother lived your life as though it were her own-never allowing you a moment of stress or frustration, routinely sleeping in your bed when you had a bad dream, never setting limits or establishing boundaries, seldom or never letting you out of her sight, excusing and failing to provide consequences for your negative or hurtful behaviour, insisting on a daily chronicle of every detail of your life, all in the name of maternal love-then you never had to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. You remain a child.”

ChildhoodParentsChild AbuseMothers And DaughtersChildhood TraumaScapegoatInferiority ComplexMother Daughter RelationshipAttachment TraumaEngulfing Mother
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“We forget in order to survive our childhoods, when we are totally dependent on our parents' goodwill; but to recover from such childhoods, we must begin by remembering-the bad and the good.”

NeglectChild AbuseChildhood TraumaNarcissistic MothersAbusive MothersEngulfing MotherEnmeshmentIgnoring Mother
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“If a mother has an unhealthy need to dominate her children-which she demonstrates by bullying, terrifying, neglecting, suffocating, indulging, humiliating, overprotecting or abusing them- those children must come to the recognition that such treatment is wrong in order to begin the long process of recovery and ultimate understanding.”

NeglectChild AbuseChildhood TraumaNarcissistic MothersAbusive MothersEngulfing MotherEnmeshmentIgnoring Mother
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“When we recognize that we are not responsible for our childhood deprivations, and that we are entitled to feel anger (but not to act on it - awareness is not a license to kill), then we are able to let go of that anger and not be controlled by it.”

NeglectChild AbuseChildhood TraumaNarcissistic MothersAbusive MothersEngulfing MotherEnmeshmentIgnoring Mother
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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“I have always tried to be all the tings my mother wanted me to be; ever the lady, always polite, never inconsiderate. I run my business the way my mother ran our house - everything just so. In some ways I am my mother - full of life when I'm happy, very cold when I'm angry. People say I look just like her. I'll tell you a secret: every time I pass a mirror, I gasp. I wonder if there's more here than meets the eye." - Karen, thirty-nine.”

NeglectChild AbuseChildhood TraumaNarcissistic MothersAbusive MothersEngulfing MotherEnmeshmentIgnoring MotherGenerational Anger
Book:When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
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