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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.”

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“Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.”

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“Sometimes, in order to follow one's heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I'm not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.”

Wells Heart Sometimes Action Order Sick Responsible Be You Wrong Things Being Responsible

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“Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you've actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.”

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“I was 15 years old when I was in this band; we were called Stag. We used to wear spandex pants and no underwear - we looked like marbles smugglers.”

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“My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and he could find water with that, which is a very impressive skill in a country where it rains 365 days of the year.”

Years Country Use Father Water Ability Skills Rain Branches Unusual Psychics Impressive Days Of The Year Psychic Abilities Very Impressive

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“Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.”

Country Girl Sex London Enjoyed Ancestor Aristocratic

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“I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping my job. I don't care enough about keeping my job right now. That's good. That makes effective at what I do. I don't want to be frightened of getting fired. So to that end I suppose my ambitions are that I spend less than I earn.”

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“I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.”

Happens My Own Mistake Watches Viewers Bloopers

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“So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet.”

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Author:Craig Ferguson