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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you've actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.”

Author

Craig Ferguson

English biography, 120-180 words more

“I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping my job. I don't care enough about keeping my job right now. That's good. That makes effective at what I do. I don't want to be frightened of getting fired. So to that end I suppose my ambitions are that I spend less than I earn.”

Want Ends Enough Care Jobs Poor Rich Right Now Ambition Don't Care I Don't Care Frightened I Care My Ambition Getting Fired

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.”

Happens My Own Mistake Watches Viewers Bloopers

Author:Craig Ferguson

“So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet.”

People Knows Firsts Mean Persons Has Beens Games Rich Possibility Quiet Taxes News Mad Raised Dare Servant Rich People Bad News Accountants Butlers Rich Person Croquet

Author:Craig Ferguson

“They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.”

Ifs Found Eating Concern Weight Links Chemicals Obesity Shampoo

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”

Writing Law Letters Driving California Preventing Texting

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I'm hooked on email. That's right, kids, I'm one of you.”

Kids Email Hooked

Author:Craig Ferguson

“According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.”

Knows Reading Study Safe Email

Author:Craig Ferguson

Quote by Craig Ferguson

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