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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“I was 15 years old when I was in this band; we were called Stag. We used to wear spandex pants and no underwear - we looked like marbles smugglers.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and he could find water with that, which is a very impressive skill in a country where it rains 365 days of the year.”

Years Country Use Father Water Ability Skills Rain Branches Unusual Psychics Impressive Days Of The Year Psychic Abilities Very Impressive

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.”

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“I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping my job. I don't care enough about keeping my job right now. That's good. That makes effective at what I do. I don't want to be frightened of getting fired. So to that end I suppose my ambitions are that I spend less than I earn.”

Want Ends Enough Care Jobs Poor Rich Right Now Ambition Don't Care I Don't Care Frightened I Care My Ambition Getting Fired

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“I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.”

Happens My Own Mistake Watches Viewers Bloopers

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“So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet.”

People Knows Firsts Mean Persons Has Beens Games Rich Possibility Quiet Taxes News Mad Raised Dare Servant Rich People Bad News Accountants Butlers Rich Person Croquet

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“They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.”

Ifs Found Eating Concern Weight Links Chemicals Obesity Shampoo

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“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”

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“I'm hooked on email. That's right, kids, I'm one of you.”

Kids Email Hooked

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“According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.”

Knows Reading Study Safe Email

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“I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.”

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Author:Craig Ferguson