“I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.” Quote by Bill Bailey
“Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.” HumorFunnyFlowerCrushBootsCynicism Author:Bill Bailey
“But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"” LooksCountryHumorRealityFunnyOur CountryShooter Author:Bill Bailey
“Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.” ThinkingFirstsBookHumorFunnyBrainDoorsDrugThousandTenPerceptionCriticsMeltingHuxleyDoors Of Perception Author:Bill Bailey
“Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.” HumorFunnyJobsDoorsSelling Author:Bill Bailey
“Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.” HumorFunnyAmericaWhiteTalkingTypeViolent Author:Bill Bailey
“The reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom. Whoever was charged with making the announcement momentarily lost all sense of procedure and we got this tantalizing glimpse into the chaos on the trains, and all we could hear was (bangs on microphone) "Gary, it's burning, what we gonna do?!" And everyone on the carriage just cheered, "Hooray! We're rubbish!"” ReasonHumorFunnyLostFireCarTrainChaosBurningGiantsBoredomGlimpseBangsProceduresRubbishMicrophonesBuffetsGaryCarriagesAnnouncementsBiscuitsTantalizing Author:Bill Bailey
“"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?” HumorFunnyQueensDeitiesGraciousInvokeBail Author:Bill Bailey
“You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey, the so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing. Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.” LittlesWholeHumorFunnyOrderThreeBitsLittle BitPhilosophicalRemainsLegsEightPityBitterConfusedHuntingSpidersPreyConvincingSquirrelsVenomUkrainianSamaritans Author:Bill Bailey