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Quote by Anje Kruger

“Every business is built around a secret. The bigger the business, the bigger the secret.”

Quote by Anje Kruger

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“I did not have sex with a mongoose.”

Humor Non Sequitur

Book:Unamused Muse

Source: Unamused Muse

“There are alternatives to medication, though they tend to have more disruptive side effects." "Like what?" "Have you ever been in love?" "In what sense?" "We'll cross that road when we come to it.”

Humor Dialogue Absurd In Love Medication Side Effects Ottessa Moshfegh My Year Of Rest And Relaxation Non Sequitur

Book:My Year of Rest and Relaxation

Source: My Year of Rest and Relaxation

“The fact is that, unless we’re with friends or family, we’re all like talking dolls, endlessly repeating the same trite and tiresome lines: “Hello, how are you?” “Hot enough out there?” “Don’t work too “hard!” I’m often misunderstood at my supermarket in Sussex, not because of my accent but because I tend to deviate from the script. Cashier: Hello, how are you this evening? Me: Has your house ever been burgled? Cashier: What? Me: Your house—has anyone ever broken into it and stolen things”

Humor Non Sequitur

Author:David Sedaris

“Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s also the owner of the world’s largest collection of tenor geese.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden to Virgin Atlantic and his erstwhile front lawn is now a runway where miniature helicopters and packets of crisps undertake sorties to 1940’s Dresden where they have made several dozen unsuccessful attempts to rescue the Quaker Oats man, who is being held captive by the SS on the basis that his hair looks like ice cream.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“Was…was that a cow?”

Book:Cytonic

Source: Cytonic

“St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the bonnet, which distinguished it from the more common and less powerful XR3i.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the second day of the campaign he had realised that it was an anachronism and the internet was about fourteen years away from mass consumption, so he stopped and went to sleep.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Author:St. John Morris

“Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of them Muller’s rices and I told her. That’s for shagging Kevin Cooper you stupid fucking cunt.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris