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Quote by Ramani Durvasula

“Perhaps the hardest thing of all is to leave the illusion. A part of what you are leaving is an illusion, a mirage—something that actually is not there. And it is not real. And yet, it hurts. Ending a relationship is stressful, challenging, and psychologically difficult. Whether it has been going on for months or years, breaking up is hard to do. We consider issues, including what we are getting out of our relationship, whether there is someone else out there who might be better for us who is available and a good option, as well as what we might lose if we left. We do that algebra of the heart and if the numbers favor staying, we stay. If the numbers favor leaving, we leave.”

Quote by Ramani Durvasula

Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

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Ramani Durvasula

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“When these red flags appeared early on, the narrative was “shaped” in a way that was at times romantic, passionate, and even practical. The old saying of “love is blind” applies here, and before these patterns set in, hope is often what allows people to look the other way when the red flags arise. Over time, the narratives become a bit more realistic, hope begins to fade, and it becomes brutally clear that these patterns of mistrust, anger, and deceit are here to stay. A human relationship should not be built on what you can do for someone, but simply on a mutual partnership. A narcissistic relationship can often devolve into superficial attributes, such as jobs, schools, titles, resources, addresses, photo-shopped images, status posts, quiet children, well-appointed homes, and possessions.”

RealityHopeRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyBreakupEngagementNarcissismReciprocityNarratives
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“I felt like I was going to die, and I went into a deep depression. It took me years to get out of that fog. You need micro-changes you had to make to survive this relationship. Narcissistic partners are masterful at leaving someone feeling like they are doing something wrong. Fear of being alone often drives a person back into a relationship quickly. If you are going to give your partner these second chances, just make sure your expectations are in line with reality. It really comes down to your willingness to shift your focus out of the past and into the present and the future.”

RealityRelationshipsMarriagePsychologySurvivalExpectationsBreakupEngagementNarcissismBlaming
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“{...], reality is painful, so people invent justifications and use them to supplant measurement of reality. We could use the old cliché of an ostrich hiding its head in the sand, but only if there's a television down there, dramatizing the sadness. It is an inversion of art: instead of singing the beautiful, we find praises for the ugly and disguise it as beauty, because we have lost belief in beauty. As good nihilists, we note that this loss of beauty is vested more in belief than in beauty. We have made beauty contingent upon so many moral justifications that it is socially taboo to note beauty without somehow tying it to the plight of the disadvantaged.”

RealityBeautyMoralsRealismNihilismDisadvantaged
Book:Nihilism: A Philosophy Based In Nothingness And Eternity
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“His definition of “I love you” and your definition are likely completely different. It's an “I love you” crisis. The real challenge is not the words, or whether the other person means them, but rather being clear on your definition, your expectation, and ultimately how you want to be treated. Think about how you feel in this relationship, the quality of your communication and collaboration, and your partner’s behavior. Pay attention to the other person’s actions and regard. Saying “I love you” is easy; being present and engaged in a relationship is a different matter.”

LoveRealityRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyExpectationsCrisisEngagementNarcissismI Love You
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“The belief that someday he will see how wonderful you are, and he will apologize and thank you for standing by his side. The hope of redemption. It is one of the primary messages of all world religions: Through love comes redemption. It is a dangerous sell, because it can be true and miraculous, but in the case of narcissism, redemption will almost never occur. By definition a personality disorder is almost impossible to change. Removing the hope will help you find your way to taking care of you.”

RealityHopeRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyRedemptionEngagementNarcissismPersonality Disorder
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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