Home / Quotes / Quote by Daniel Tosh

Quote by Daniel Tosh

“If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.”

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

“Every year on my birthday I get a small dash on my inner thigh where my balls currently hang. You can't tell me that's not going to be a beautiful work of art when it's finished. My grandkids are playing with my balls, they can't figure it out. They're like, 'What are these things?' I'm like, 'It's your future, read the chart.' They don't stop growing; they're like earlobes. That joke was inspired by a door that wasn't locked when I was 11.”

Years Art Beautiful Growing Doors Figures Jokes Balls Inspired Finished Works Of Art Our Future Locked Your Future Thighs My Birthday Grandkids

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.”

Bigs Beautiful Sentences Disgusting Freshman

Author:Daniel Tosh

“We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.”

War Sleep Morning Bed Wake Up Breakfast Troops Delicious Our Troops

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells at them. 'Shut up, I just got punched in the face!'... If I was a boxer, do you know who I would hire as my corner man? My mom.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Men Mind Littles Facts Faces Sports Hurt Simple Cry Mom Athlete Corners My Mom Noses Do You Know Shut Up It Hurts Boxers Mind Blowing Little Man Greatest Athlete Oh My Gosh

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I don't think there is just one Louis Vuitton woman. That is why, for the fall/winter 2011 show, I loved the idea of lots of different characters - a wife, a mistress, a girlfriend - stepping out of the row of hotel elevators.”

Thinking Ideas Different Character Shows Fall Wife Winter Girlfriend Just One Hotel Mistress Elevators Different Characters Louis Vuitton

Author:Marc Jacobs

“God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.”

People Doe Hate Found Gay Mad Gay People Loopholes

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I always wondered if those WWJD bracelets worked, so I bought one the other day. Well, a few minutes later, I was on a plane and this little kid was kicking my seat repeatedly, while his sister sang along with her walkman and their mother just sat there. I almost turned around and went off, and then I caught sight of my bracelet. What would Jesus do? So I lit them on fire and sent them all to Hell.”

Ifs Wells Littles Kids Mother Jesus Hell Fire Minutes Sight Caught Planes Sat Seats Lit Little Kid Kicking Bracelet

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.”

Facts Balls Smell Mask Gym Decorating

Author:Daniel Tosh

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Author

You May Also Like