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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.”

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

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“How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.”

Way Needs Ends Girl Boys Issues Share Achieve Fronts Policy Gay Gender Yesterday Zero Bathroom Gender Equality Sexist Boy And Girl

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.”

School Causes Teacher High School Dating Yeah

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.”

Men Said White Saws Heard Fronts Couple Holy Jokes Mirrors Naked Bad Things Cows White Man Setups

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.”

Children Night Turns Enjoy Perfect Jokes Pressure Warm Blanket Toss Small Child Nelson Haha Polio

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.”

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I do think that in order for a company to be interesting to the investment community, there needs to be a plan; there needs to be a bigger retail footprint. There needs to be this idea - DNA, lifestyle, words I hate.”

Thinking Needs Ideas Hate Order Community Interesting Company Plans Bigger I Hate Investment Lifestyle Dna Footprint Retail

Author:Marc Jacobs

“I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.”

Long Made Jobs Smarter Iphone Cords

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.”

People Knows Doors Car Locks Popping

Author:Daniel Tosh

“How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?”

New York Planes Crash Plane Crashes

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.”

Ifs Stills Easy Shots Assuming Video Pregnant Mtv Utah

Author:Daniel Tosh