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Quote by Iliza Shlesinger

“If I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public.”

Quote by Iliza Shlesinger

Author

Iliza Shlesinger

Iliza Shlesinger is an American comedian known for her unique humor style and witty performances. Born on February 22, 1983, she has gained popularity in the comedy world through her participation in comedy competitions and television shows. Shlesinger's work focuses on satirical social phenomena and everyday life, which has won her a dedicated fan base. more

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“Passion always finds a way. Follow your passion and everything else will work out.”

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“I always wished my dad was there to intimidate my boyfriends or something. It's supposed to be your dad giving your guys friends the stink-eye for sneaking beer through your house, not your mom.”

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“I learned this one growing up in Texas and, subsequently, living in Los Angeles: always use the 'usted' form when speaking to a Spanish official. Mexican border patrol cops don't like it when you call them 'amigo,' give them a hardy pat on the back, slip a $20 in their pocket. No bueno, it doesn't fly. By the way, those of you not laughing at that obviously took French in high school, and that was a gay choice.”

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“It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July.”

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“You can't go to the bathroom alone... you might not come back. Cause no girl's ever been to the bathroom alone and survived. It's true. The last woman that attempted it, it was 1937 and her name was Amelia Earhart.”

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“Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.”

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“Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.”

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“I don't hate other women. Let me rephrase that: I hate other women and men - people in general can be annoying - but I've never disliked a woman for being beautiful.”

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“It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.”

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“When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.”

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