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Quote by Iliza Shlesinger

“It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July.”

Quote by Iliza Shlesinger

Author

Iliza Shlesinger

Iliza Shlesinger is an American comedian known for her unique humor style and witty performances. Born on February 22, 1983, she has gained popularity in the comedy world through her participation in comedy competitions and television shows. Shlesinger's work focuses on satirical social phenomena and everyday life, which has won her a dedicated fan base. more

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“You can't go to the bathroom alone... you might not come back. Cause no girl's ever been to the bathroom alone and survived. It's true. The last woman that attempted it, it was 1937 and her name was Amelia Earhart.”

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“Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.”

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“Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.”

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“I don't hate other women. Let me rephrase that: I hate other women and men - people in general can be annoying - but I've never disliked a woman for being beautiful.”

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“It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.”

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“When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.”

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“When you get off stage, the audience should know a little bit about you. Not where you are from, but how you see the world. And that's the difference between like a Chris Rock joke, and like an open-miker.”

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“I wasn't a 'hot chick' in high school. I was 'funny' and a tomboy and probably a little uncomfortable with my amazing boobs.”

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“You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.”

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“When you're missing your two front teeth, that's honesty. That is a door to your oral history. You're not covering anything up. You're saying, 'Hey world, I'm missing my front teeth. I'm gross; I'm dirty; I'm poor. I clearly have no problem with public urination and eating garbage. Don't come near me, I'll gum you to death!”

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