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Quote by Bill Bailey

“There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.”

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Bill Bailey is a British comedian born on January 13, 1964. Known for his unique sense of humor and versatile performance skills, he has made a name for himself in various fields including comedy, music, and theater. more

“Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.”

“Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.”

Mind Made Shows Humor Funny Doubt Havens Tonight

Author:Bill Bailey

“Thank God for Darwin, eh?”

Humor Funny Thank God

Author:Bill Bailey

“Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.”

Humor Funny Cheese Weasels

Author:Bill Bailey

“This shed does not contain me.”

Doe Humor Funny Shed

Author:Bill Bailey

“A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."”

Long Humor Funny Faces Law Walks Existence Aspect Horse Bars Protected Barmen

Author:Bill Bailey

“The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."”

Humor Funny Mistake Okay Dentist Drills

Author:Bill Cosby

“I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."”

Humor Funny Remember Lying Mother Names Boys Mad Who You Are Don't Lie Lie To Me Don't Lie To Me

Author:Bill Cosby

“A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.”

Ifs Wells Children Persons Humor Funny Pain Lying Five Truth Is Telling The Truth Ems Truthful Only Time Children Love

Author:Bill Cosby

Quote by Bill Bailey

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