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Quote by Felipe Esparza

“We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.”

Quote by Felipe Esparza

Author

Felipe Esparza is an American comedian known for his unique style and Latinx background. Born on June 11, 1976, he gained prominence in the comedy scene since the early 2000s. Esparza's comedy delves into everyday life and cultural issues, offering viewers a unique perspective and laughter. more

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“I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.”

Body Light Turns Shirts Turn Off Threesome

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels - it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees.”

Said Whole Home Used Walks Television Tvs Dad Degrees My Dad My Favorite Damn Neighborhood One Time Tape Furniture Ovens Knobs Duct Tape Love My Dad I Love My Dad Macgyver

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.”

Knows Police Neighbor Yesterday Getting Old Getting Older

Author:Felipe Esparza

“The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.”

Want Needs Stills War Helping Iraq British Mexico

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.”

Loses Fronts Baby Mountain Weight Mark Shirts Stomach Lions Lose Weight Stretch Marks

Author:Felipe Esparza

“Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.”

Eye Gay Contact Wrestling Eye Contact

Author:Felipe Esparza

“Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.”

Ifs Knows Way Dinner Invited Intervention Ambush

Author:Felipe Esparza

“You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.”

Writing Trying Home Next Stage Materials Next Day Trash Back Home Trash Cans

Author:Felipe Esparza

“According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!”

Want Children Support Heard Hip Hop Locals Hips Hops Stations Wages Rims

Author:Felipe Esparza

“Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.”

Writing Audience Comedy Week Jokes Heckling

Author:Felipe Esparza