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Famous Felipe Esparza Quotes
“We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.”
“I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.”
“I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.”
“My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.”
“While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.”
“If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.”
“I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.”
“Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.”
“Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.”
“You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.”
“I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.”
“A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.”
“I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.”
“Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.”
“I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.”